The Ghost Throws A Tantrum.

So now I knew what he was and where he was.

What was some sort of trader or trapper or murderer or rapist or all around bad man.  He wasn’t a Native because the Shoshone didn’t grow mustaches, weren’t tall (as my son described him) and probably didn’t wear big brown hats. Besides, my son told me he was a white man.

If a 6 year old says the ghost is a white man then the ghost is a white man. 

Where was buried behind or beneath that nasty storage room.

The question was, what in the hell was I supposed to do? I called the rental agency. The agent in charge denied knowing anything about it. Besides, she said disclosure of a haunted dwelling is only required when one is buying a house. Stupid fine print.

I still had a good six weeks to go before hubby could join us. I was at my wit’s end.

My husband suggested I call a priest. But I’m Jewish. There were no orthodox Jews around to perform a Jewish exorcism, and I was worried a Catholic exorcism might make things worse.

Hey, I watch movies. I know how bad it can get when you call a priest.

Besides, do you really think a priest would have believed me? C’mon. Any priest I talked to was likely to think I was nuttier than a fruitcake.

So, one evening at supper – my two kids sitting in their chairs, the baby in her high chair, the dog beneath the table, me serving spaghetti, we heard noises coming from the tiny bedroom next to the master bedroom. Remember it was too small for a bed. I’d stacked a few unpacked boxes in there along with one book shelf filled with books.

We all looked at each other. So being mom, I gave a big sigh and went to investigate.

I stood in the open doorway. Dusk had fallen and the room was dark. It sounded as if something was being scraped along the walls.

I said, “Look, can’t we just co-exist? Does it really have to be this way? I’m sorry for whatever happened to you but I didn’t do it and I don’t really want to put up with your crap.”

I probably should have left out that last part.

Suddenly books flew off the shelves, slammed into the wall across the room. One of the cardboard boxes opened and the toys inside were tossed up in the air. I reached to turn on the light, but before I could touch it, he flipped up the switch.

I said, “That’s it. That’s it. You are dead. You are so dead. I’m going next door and I’m gonna get me a gun and I’m gonna blow you away. Do you hear me, ghost? I’m gonna blow you back into the ground. I’m gonna blow you back to hell. Do you hear me, mother fucker? Do you hear me? I’m gonna get me a gun.”

I stomped down the hall, seriously planning to go borrow a shotgun from my neighbor and shoot the hell out of that ghost when I heard him laugh. He laughed.

That son of a bitch laughed.

My son and the dog hightailed it out to the garage, leaving the two little girls in the kitchen. And I came to my senses.

Goddamn him. He’s already dead. I can’t kill him.

Tomorrow:  How I Lost the Battle (But Won the War).



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21 Responses to The Ghost Throws A Tantrum.

  1. Oh, I love this stuff. I’d worked out not an Indian. As you say, if your 6 year old says he’s a tall, moustachioed white man, he is.

  2. Ray Plasse says:

    DAMN! If I ever get haunted I’m calling you on your Bat-phone. I’d already be in tears by now! I’ve seen ‘Amityville Horror’ one too many times I think!

  3. Tom Stronach says:

    Yes, Julia the shotgun would have been useless, sheesh! Unless, of cousrse it was a modified shotgun and fired a Plasma energy burst designed to incapacitate incorporeal beings …. What! I’m trying to be helpful here …….

  4. Amber Skyze says:

    Who you gonna call, Julia the ghostbuster! :) Sorry, I couldn’t help it. I give you credit for staying this long in the house. My scared ass would be gone.

  5. Penelope says:

    Julia=Ripley from Aliens if Ripley was a housewife w/ kids and a dog. Kicking some paranormal ass. Yeeeee hawwww!

  6. That was one nasty ghost.

  7. Yes he was, Stephanie. No doubt about it.

  8. Ripley is my hero, Penny. Someday I’ll tell you how I punched the softball coach one day and had a verbal knock-down drag-out with the soccer coach the next – both for abusing my daughters. Those evil alien creatures! Hurt my kids and I will go all Ripley on your ass!

  9. I had very few options, Amber. It was such a touch situation.

  10. Tom, when you invent a plasma gun, you send me a prototype! I’ll head back to Utah…

  11. I’ll tell you, Ray, The Amityville Horror scared me like you wouldn’t believe! Yeah… to real in a campy sort of way!

  12. Totally, Greta. From the mouths of babes. An Indian would never ever have been so horrible. At least IMO.

  13. Diana Stevan says:

    Julia, Julia, Julia, all this about your encounter with your ghost is brilliant. What a story! You’ve got me hooked. The fact that it happened makes it even more compelling. And scary that you and your family had to go through this. There was a Jody Picoult book about a real estate development that was happening over some native graves. A very different story but had that element, of a grave disturbed. You have to string theses posts into a book, novella, whatever. Love it. And by the way, I lost track of you again. I’ve again subscribed. Hopefully, I’ll be getting your post alerts. Hugs.

  14. Crazy, huh, Diana. Maybe I will pub it. Glad you signed up again. Hope it works!

  15. Ray Plasse says:

    You do mean the original ‘Amityville Horror’ from the 80s right!

  16. Yes, Ray, the original.

  17. Ray Plasse says:

    My favorite part is the dog at the end of the movie.

  18. sandra cox says:

    You’re probably the only person I know who’s ever gone Dirty Harry on a ghost:)

  19. It struck me as funny at the time, Sandra. I so wanted to go all Dirty Harry on his incorporeal ass.