We have time on our hands, you know. (Sort of. Me, not so much.) Both of us recovering from knee surgery. So what do we do? We talk. I told my husband that as an author I should be wary of talking politics, religion or current events.
He said – “Who made that dumb-ass rule? Isn’t this still a free country?”
So this is the stuff we talk about while we are recuperating.
1. Guess everyone’s gonna have to give up pronouns because they have been deemed sexist.
It’ll be– “Hey, how you doin’ there?” Or “Hiya bud.” Wait, does bud indicate a male? Or “Hey… you…”
And if you, as an employer, refer to someone as a ‘he’ or ‘she’ will you be forced to resign and face a public scourging? Stockades for all! (Notice, no pronoun. ‘All’ is very inclusive.)
I’m trying to figure out how I am supposed to write a book sans pronouns.
And by the way, I don’t hear anyone bitchin’ about the use of pronouns in Game of Thrones. Do you hear anyone bitchin’ about that? Seems like bitchin’ about pronouns is pretty dang selective these days…
2. Speaking of slippery slopes… If I own a vegan restaurant and I refuse to prepare a hamburger for a customer, can he/she (sorry, used pronouns) sue me because by not providing said burger I am behaving in a burger-fascist/heterovegan manner? And I am creating an unsafe environment for the burger-eating population? Because burger-eaters will not feel comfortable, welcome and safe in my vegan restaurant? Because I am insensitive to the sensibilities of carnivores and omnivores? Or do carnivores and omnivores fall into the non PC category so therefore they have no rights? What if I own a rib-joint and fail to offer barbecued tofu? Huh? Huh? And what about Kosher caterers? What will happen if a client insists a Kosher caterer serve pork? Or cheeseburgers? Will the caterer be sued and forced out of business for creating an unsafe environment for the vast majority of people who do not keep Kosher yet have a need for catering services?
We are talking some pretty nuanced stuff, folks.
3. When I was a little tiny kid, my dad used to say- “Never trust a white man with a Southern accent.” He also passed on this jewel- “Never trust anyone who loudly proclaims he’s a good Christian.” But that was because my dad had grown up when we weren’t allowed to live in certain areas or eat in certain restaurants or drink out of certain drinking fountains or join certain organizations. He got over that years ago. But man oh man (Wait- that phrase is totally sexist! Merde! Self-slap administered. Remorse expressed. Please don’t ship me off to a re-education camp, please! Think of my children!) I am feeling so sorry for Christians. They are getting it from all sides when in fact the reason we have made such progress in our nation over the decades is because of the Christian notions of conscience, love and forgiveness, and the Judeo-Christian notion of justice, and our silly outdated Constitution which guarantees both religious freedom and freedom of speech. I’m a believer in science too, by the way, as in I don’t think you’ll much like it when your kids get polio because they aren’t vaccinated.
So I guess what I should be talking about is books. Here you go – I’m writing a story about a band of half-assed bloviated extremists. No shit. I am.
I’m hoping my children and, when I have them, grandchildren, don’t grow up in a country that is defined by intolerance. My parents’ generation and my generation worked too damn hard to win us some tolerance.
I think this sums up my thoughts nicely–
Tomorrow – My father tells me several stories.