That didn’t last long.
It’s New Year’s Eve, right? And rather than make a resolution, I’d sworn to be more forgiving toward my awful neighbors. Those warm and fuzzy feelings lasted at least a couple hours.
I suppose it could be a whole lot worse, they could be murderers. They aren’t, though I do worry, on occasion… Sumthin’ in the way they trap and drown the raccoons and all. The way they’ve cut down every living thing in their yard because of their hatred of birdsong, their fear of bees and butterflies, sumthin’ about their detestation of every domestic animal considered a friend to man. The way they get all pissy every time one of our leaves blows into their yard.
Oh. God. No. Not a leaf! You’d think some homeless guy just sidewalk-pooped on their pile of dirt or something.
So we pulled up to our house after a great hike and there’s our neighbor, standing in our driveway, holding a big red can of RAID, spraying down our driveway and our garage doors.
I’m all like, “What the hell is he doing? Get out of the car, honey. Get out of the car.”
Honey looks at me.
“GET OUT OF THE CAR AND FIND OUT WHY HE’S SPRAYING RAID ALL OVER OUR PROPERTY.” Followed by my usual, “*&^%$#@*&^!!!”
Honey gets out of the car. “Uh, what’s going on here?”
Our neighbor didn’t bother to apologize, but he did offer a lame-ass explanation - as he hurried to remove his Christmas lights before the great Satanic-Inspired New Year’s Eve hits, something tiny fluttered by his face. And then a few more tiny somethings fluttered by his face. You know, tiny living somethings.
Lo and behold, those tiny living creatures came from the direction of our house, specifically, says he, from a crack in our driveway. It would seem that some little baby ants had hatched out and were flying on their little baby wings.
Now we can’t allow that, can we? God no. Gotta spray ‘em back to hell where they belong.
Let me ask you something, wouldn’t it occur to you to talk to your neighbor before you go spraying pesticide on his or her property? Wouldn’t it? And if your neighbor isn’t home then what say you wait until he gets home to discuss your concerns about the flying ants?
Takes some balls, I tell you. No pesticide touched my property until today.
That’s it. All them good intentions flew right out that car window on gossamer baby ant wings.
There will be no truce, no surrender. My neighbors are back on my eternal shit list.
I’m a big one for taking responsibility, but in this case it’s not my fault. There are reasons the neighbors got listed in the first place and apparently those reasons will still apply in 2012.
