I haven’t a bloody clue, but apparently somebody does. Did you see this?
From the New York Times: The Sustainable Marriage, an article by Tara Parker-Pope.
“The notion that the best marriages are those that bring satisfaction to the individual may seem counter-intuitive. After all, isn’t marriage supposed to be about putting the relationship first?
“Not anymore. For centuries, marriage was viewed as an economic and social institution, and the emotional and intellectual needs of the spouses were secondary to the survival of the marriage itself. But in modern relationships, people are looking for a partnership, and they want partners who make their lives more interesting.”
Here’s the link to the Sustainable Marriage Quiz. I haven’t taken it yet, but I’ve read it through.
Do you remember the movie, City Slickers, with Billy Crystal and Jack Palance? When Mitch Robbins (Crystal) asks Curly (Jack Palance) the secret of life and love, what does Curly answer? One thing. He deliberately does not describe that one thing is, because he’s wise enough to realize the one thing is different for each individual and every couple. Discovering what is part of our journey. To be honest, I think women have always wanted an equal partnership, at least to some extent. It’s just that an equal partnership wasn’t or isn’t always an option.
My marriage works. The reasons may be complex, or it may boil down to one thing. I wouldn’t even know where to begin. It just works. It’s like watching a great movie or reading an exceptional story, if it works for you, it works.
Wednesday, Thursday and maybe Friday I’ll be posting a series on romance readers, reviewers, and authors - we have more functioning brain cells than the pundits give us credit for.
Newsletter related stuff - If you’ve signed up to receive my newsletter and you’re not receiving it, I apologize. The problem is two-fold: Some of my subscribers have email addresses that simply won’t receive my emails. I’m getting rejected. Some of you haven’t confirmed your registration. I deleted nearly 80 unconfirmed email addresses today. Sorry - I cannot access them so I have to delete them. If you sign up again, check your spam box for the confirmation letter.
I wanted to wish you a wonderful new year.
Thank you, Laura! Have a wonderful year!
Yup, mine just works too!
Received the newsletter!
that’s a weird quiz…it’s all about “what have you done for ME lately?” (hee hee….Janet Jackson would totally approve of it!
Most women I know wouldn’t care if their partner opened them up to new experiences, or enhanced their own capabilities. It seems sort of mercenary. Hmm……
How about “Does your partner make you happy?”
How about “Do you and your partner share new experiences together?”
That’s a difficult thing to define….(I love the quote from City Slickers!)
I didn’t receive the newsletter. But, I had email issues that my husband just worked out last night. Now, my ciara@ciaraknight.com email will work. Sorry, if that was an issue for you.
A marriage quiz scares me. If I don’t know there is an issue in my marriage that’s fine with me. For once, ignorance is bliss.
I love your website design! This post makes me think about the one thing in my relationship - deep rooted friendship. I can honestly say that I fell in love with my best friend, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m off to take the quiz!
I actually agree. Only saints are selfless 24/7 and if mama ain’t happy…… S
My marriage works because I want it too. Marriage is work and so many people are just too lazy to make the effort. It takes a lot of work to look at the same man after 14 years and still love him, even if he does have a bit of a beer belly and his temples are gray, and I know too many of his aggravating habits.. Hell, we have to work to like each other sometimes, but we always find a way, because bottom line…it’s worth it. He is the match to my fire, the second half of my soul, I wouldn’t trade him for the world.
Oh, Steph, I ain’t no saint! More like a big time sinner. But I’m a loving big time sinner!
Yes, Ciara - I think a certain amount of ignorance is bliss. Like I tell the families of my hospice patients - A little denial goes a long way. I also think it’s important - for my marriage at least - that my husband and I don’t share everything and we spend time apart. It’s kind of like my kids - I love them, want to protect them, but ultimately it’s important that they stand on their own two feet because I won’t be here forever. I guess I need to know that my husband would be fine if…you know… but I don’t relish the thought of him with another woman!
Zee - me too! How lucky! Best friends with sexy tension benefits!
Penelope - my husband and I were just talking recently about the old movie, Love Story. We both agree the movie is a crock. “Love means never having to say you’re sorry…” What a weinie line! Of course you should say you’re sorry! I prefer Terms of Endearment if we’re going to talk tear jerkers. The Debra Winger character does the right thing.
I agree, Rachel. A marriage doesn’t work all by itself just like children don’t raise themselves.
Whatever the ‘one thing’ is, I’m glad you found it.
I didn’t get your letter so I’ll check my spam.
It takes a lot of work but some people think it is all fun and easy..Sad thing is people don’t look at marriage like they use to…It doesn’t mean what it use to.
Sandra - thanks. I hope you finally got my newsletter.
Hey Savannah - yes, definitely takes work. It’s pretty easy to just walk away these days if the going gets tough.