While it’s fresh in my mind, a review of the new Footloose.

Of all the dancin’ movies released in the ’80s, Footloose, starring Kevin Bacon, Lori Singer and John Lithgow, was my favorite. Why, you ask?

Well, while I enjoyed the dancing in Flashdance, I thought the story was plain old stupid, aside from the “I just fucked his brains out” line.

On the other hand, Dirty Dancing told a good story, but it left a bad taste in my mouth. I saw the film with a bunch of older LDS women - my neighbors when I lived in Utah - all of whom considered Patrick Swayze the cat’s meow. Across the board, every one claimed she’d leave her husband for him. I agree, he was sexy, and he was a fabulous dancer. However, I couldn’t focus on his sex appeal because the story stereotyped Jews in a way that niggled at me, being Jewish and all. It sort of hit a nerve. Besides, I hated the name ‘Baby’. Drove me up a fucking wall. ‘Course we had to have the heroine named Baby so Patrick’s character could utter the famous line - “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.”

Don’t misunderstand, I got Baby’s attraction to Johnny Castle - that’s the story of my life, lovin’ those bad boys, although I never quite got his attraction to her…but the intimation that all Jews think about is money and status really bugged me. Bugged the shit out of me. It was this undercurrent running through the film that kept me on edge. Took me years to relax and enjoy Dirty Dancing, watching with my daughters in the privacy of my own home.

So, what made the original Footloose different? The writing, the acting, the plot-driven dance scenes.

Kevin Bacon is a marvelous actor and he’s a fantastic dancer. He’d played an angsty teen for a few years on television prior to making the film, and it felt like the role of teen rebel, Ren McCormack, had been written specifically with him in mind.

Lori Singer looked the part of Ariel Moore - a sweet girl trying to survive her teen years, stuck with a well-meaning, but over-bearing dictator of a father. It didn’t help that her father was the town preacher, holding everyone in the grip of his iron fist. Ariel acted out within limits. She never really and truly crossed the imaginary line. Her character struck me as realistic given the circumstances. She didn’t need to be redeemed so much as set free. Her situation was a metaphor. The entire town needed to be freed from the tyranny of Reverend Shaw Moore.

Casting John Lithgow was sheer genius. Cold, distant, judgmental, egocentric, self-righteous, the good Reverend Moore knew what was best for everyone and believed it was his god-given duty to stick his nose where it didn’t belong. He was a bible-thumping extremist, convinced dancing and music were the devil’s work. Like most extremists, he alienated the people he loved, the very people he was trying to protect, with his attitudes and arbitrary rules. It was Ren McCormack’s job to hold up a mirror and show Reverend Shaw Moore the error of his ways before he lost his daughter altogether.

The story in the original Footloose made sense to me. In a nutshell - big city kid finds himself transplanted, along with his parents, to small Western town, probably in Texas. He’s freaked to learn there’s no music and no dancing in this town, other than church music. Because the Reverend says so. The local teens rebel, but quietly and in secret. They need a catalyst and a leader. Ren, who gets himself in a heap of trouble early on, becomes that catalyst. Dancing symbolizes freedom. Ren faces off with the Reverend Shaw and his cronies when he tries to get permission for a school dance.

My husband had read some good reviews of the remake of Footloose and he really wanted to see it. I was skeptical. I mean, when you’ve liked a movie, you don’t necessarily want to watch a re-do or an updated version. I figured it was going to be pretty hard to recapture a time in America when a town could actually ban dancing and music. No matter how small the town and no matter how Texas the town. Texans love their music, believe me.

The movie begins with an event so shocking it impels the reverend to push the city council to ban dancing and loud music, but the bans on music and dancing are updated, linked to a curfew for teens and a ban on underage drinking, drug use, congregating on private property…

The plot device used in the opening scene is one of my least favorite, with a few exceptions. You’ll have to figure it out from the following clue… This particular trope has been used with stunning effect in two indie films - Disturbia and The Lookout. (Why don’t I like this trope in the new Footloose? Because it gives the Reverend Shaw Moore an easy out, a reason for his specious reasoning. No longer is he just a close-minded jerk. Now he’s Job. I will say this, that first scene may be the most interesting scene in the entire movie.)

New set up: Boston kid comes to small town Texas. He’s an orphan. Awwwww. His mom left her hometown years ago and had a bad reputation because she got herself pregnant. Ren, entering his senior year in high school, has returned to live with his sympathetic aunt and uncle.

Ren meets the Rev’s daughter, but she treats him with disdain because she’s too busy dressing like a ‘ho, painting her face, and screwing local over-age (should be arrested for statutory rape and beating on her) dumb as a box of rocks, redneck asshole, oh, and taking advantage of her sweet best friend, a girl who desperately needs to grow a backbone.

The Rev, played by Dennis Quaid, isn’t a bible-thumping zealot. Instead he’s soft-spoken, sensitive, troubled, thoughtful, and protective. His worst faults are two-fold, he’s stubborn, and he’s blind to his daughter’s dysfunction and his wife’s unhappiness. Reverend Moore doesn’t really believe the dance floor is the devil’s playground, he’s enforcing rules made in a knee-jerk fashion, still reacting to the ramifications of the opening scene. His goal is to keep the local children safe, yet, he hasn’t a clue where his daughter is and what she’s doing. When he finally does begin to wise up, he’s eager to blame the kid from Boston.

Okay, let me cut to the chase.

The very good: Ren’s best friend, Willard, played by Miles Teller. I don’t know if it’s the character or the actor, but the guy is utterly charming and I hope to see him in many more movies.

The sorta good: Some of the dance scenes are interesting, but they seem forced, they come out of nowhere, and they remind me a little too much of the following - all of which are much better dance movies - Stomp the Yard, directed by Sylvain White. Save the Last Dance, directed by Thomas Carter and starring Julia Stiles. Step Up, directed by Anne Fletcher and starring Channing Tatum. Take the Lead, directed by Liz Friedlander and starring Antonio Banderas.

Mixed: Julianne Hough does a better job with the role of Ariel than I expected, but here’s the caveat - an ingenue she isn’t. She looks hard, too old, and, well, slutty. And I guess that bugged me. In the original version, Ariel may be pushing some boundaries, but she’s an innocent, hemmed in by her father’s fences, suffocated by his rules. The new Ariel has already shattered the fences and needs a reason to return to the fold. She’s searching for redemption, not freedom.

Mixed: Ren is no sexy bad boy with a heart. He’s a good kid who tries hard to do the right thing. As a result, I didn’t find his character especially interesting or memorable.

Stupid: The dance scenes with the little girls. GMAFB.

Double stupid: The fight scene near the end of the movie. The bad guys go down way too easy while the two good guys hop up, bloodless and clean, nary a wrinkle on their jackets or a hair out of place, with the words… “Let’s dance!”

***Note to screenwriters: I can understand that a girl might not want to tell her parents who gave her a split lip and a black eye, but for crying out loud, she’d sure as shit tell them who didn’t. Especially when she wants to see Ren again and her dad says flat out he believes Ren is the person who smacked her around.

***Note to costume designer: Just because the boys in the movie say things like this about Ariel - “Her jeans are so tight you can see the face off a quarter in her back pocket,” does not mean you should put her in an ill-fitting rag of a dress for the dance. If the dress was meant to symbolize a return to her old sweet self, well, snap! Failure. It was a fashion disaster. For shame!

Gawd. Give me the original Grease any day.

Sorry. The best I can give this film is a 2/10. That’s it. One point for Willard, one point for, um, hmm, for the hell of it.

Tomorrow - the amazing thing about Montana is…

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