1. Never wear sweatpants with pink, gold or silver lettering across your butt unless you want everyone to stare at your butt. And if you want everyone to stare at your butt, you’d better have a damn shapely butt, otherwise everyone’s eyes will automatically be drawn to your butt in the same way a rubbernecker can’t help but stare at a traffic accident. Aghast, no one will be able to look away from your butt no matter how desperately he or she wants to look away.
I live and die by this rule. If people had worn sweat pants in biblical times, this rule would be in the Bible. And possibly there should be a Constitutional Amendment. And the issue should be brought before the U. N. Security Council - China and Russia would not be allowed to veto this rule, nor would they be allowed to abstain - and, most importantly, it should be addressed at length by wise political pundit, non-ketchup-eating, all-round curmudgeon, Tom Stronach. I know he’d have a great deal to say on the subject.
Rules Number Two: (thrown in gratuitously)
2. Rugged men are sexier than pretty boys.
Tuna Me!
This is my cat, Ichi-ban - 20 bloody times a day, minimum. He’s an addict.
Soooo, if you head on over to Amazon, you’ll notice that my new release, In the Flesh, the paranormal sequel to Incorporeal, is free for five days beginning on 2/20! Do not pass Go, do not collect $200. Get that book! If you haven’t read Incorporeal yet, feel free to try it first…
In the Flesh - Lightning in the middle of a blizzard? Dr. Sydney Blake has read about it, but this is the first time in all her life she’s experienced it. Has her truck been struck? Blinded by the flash, she slams on the brakes and dives from the driver’s seat, right into a snow drift.
As a shivering Syd gropes to her feet, she keeps her eyes shut tight, praying she didn’t actually see what she thinks she saw in that flash of light… a golden giant standing smack dab in the middle of the road. No way. Not possible. Or is it?
Glitter Butt Sweatpants, that’s the name of Tom’s new all-girl kazoo band.
Give that poor kitty some tuna. He looks positively famished!
Congrats again on the book release. Great job!
You saucy thing you, I accept the challenge, but it will have to be later in the week I have a giant in the form of a Utility company that I have to slay AGAIN after winning my last battle against them with the ombudsman
Rule 1b) Also, if you are obese, and wear purple leggings, you’ll look like a giant grape.
2.) YESSSSS! Was just thinking today….I’ll take Clint Eastwood over pretty boy David Gandy any day. Dammit.
3.) Can’t wait to read ITF!!!!! Woo hoo! (Is Jaye gonna yell at me for those exclamation points?)
If you wear the word “Juicy” on any body part you should expect to be squeezed.
Ichi-ban 20 times a day what?
I love rule 1 and I’m wondering what Ichi-ban does 20 times a day.
I think you cat can tele-transmit thought. I can practically smell the tuna on Ichi-Ban’s breath!
I’ve seen some poor choices in bold print across some ladies behinds!
My favorite guilty pleasure is the People of Walmart website. There are plenty of, sagging, butt crack exposing, inappropriate slogan sweatpants over here along with much, much more that I can’t even describe.
http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/photos/random-photos
Enjoy!
XXOO Kat
Whoops I think I meant “your cat”, not “you cat”! lol Now, I have to go to Walmart in my do-you-think-I’m-sexy sweatpants and buy a can of tuna, as an apology to Ichi-Ban.
XXOO Yo Kat
Some are crimes of fashion when ti comes to the pants…Your kitty is so adorable…Love his name..
Good rule!
Anny - Glad you’re on my team!
Definite crime of fashion, Savannah! LOL!
Hey, Kat, have your husband take a picture of you butt in those pants. Buy some pink sweats. Yeah, that’ll do it! Ichi never takes offense. Don’t worry. Oh, that people of Walmart is a hoot! Thanks for the link!
Amber and Steph, he demands tuna. Tuna. Tuna. Tuna. Won’t eat anything else. I discussed this with the vet and we ran blood work, just to check things out. Blood work is perfect. The vet says he has the physique of a five year old cat, not a seventeen year old!
You got the squeezing part right, Steph!
Hi Penny!!! Jaye will yell at the both of us! Totally like a giant grape! LMAO! And yes, I love me a rugged man! And thank you.
Tom, I am counting on you for a rabid editorial condemning sweat pants with words on the butt.
Thanks, Jaye. I know Tom will take this and run with it.
Yay!! I can’t wait to read In the Flesh. And thank you for the excellent rules to live by. I do not wear sweatpants with anything stamped on the butt (I also avoid horizontal stripes), rugged men are way better than pretty boys and I love that our cats are nearly identical. Except my fluffy kitty is actually a girl and yours is a boy. I showed hubby and the boys the photos of your kitties and they couldn’t believe the similarities - too funny! Must be karma that we met!!
Hey Casey - I totally avoid horizontal stripes! LOL! I know, it’s weird about our cats. Ichi is a Norwegian Forest Cat, purebred. We adopted him as a baby. He wears mittens and has a very unique personality.