I’ve been eavesdropping and stereotyping. Hanging head in shame…
So I was working at Starbucks because hubby was working from home and he takes up all the bandwidth and I was sitting next to this handsome German guy - I even watched his stuff for him when he went to the restroom. Yes! He and I were sharing a couch because it was the only seat left within plugging distance.
Anywho… there were a couple chairs across from us and two women came in. Wait, let me take a step back. So he and I are sharing the couch, right? To my left is an empty chair. Directly across from us are three empty chairs and there’s a coffee table between the couch and the chairs.
First this woman comes in with an elderly man, obviously her father, and he’s using a cane, he’s slow, but cute as a button. So the German guy and I offer them the couch, but they decline and she seats her father in the chair to my left while she goes off to order coffee.
While she’s gone, another woman comes in and tosses a big fat file folder on the coffee table, then she heads to the line for coffee. The woman with the elderly gentleman returns with two cups of coffee and some pastry and pulls a chair up next to him. File Folder Woman, as she shall heretofore be known, comes running over and says… “I need that chair for my friend!”
Bitch!
The German guy and I intercede, but the lady with the elderly gentleman says, “C’mon, dad, let’s go sit over there.” She points to a corner. She grabs the coffees and pastry and her purse, while I help her father to stand up, because it’s not easy for him. I know she’s pissed, but she’s polite. I would never be so polite.
The German guy and I sit back down and I attempt to focus on my work, important work, you know, like tweeting about bacon and zombies and chatting about snakes when I’m supposed to be revising a book, and I notice that two other women have joined File Folder Woman. One shall be known as Cipher while the other shall be known as Mac Woman.
Anybody remember the movie, Babyboom, with Diane Keaton? I know Penny Watson does. It’s one of her faves. Remember the playground scene? This was the playground scene come to life. Life loves to imitate art.
So File Folder Woman was apparently the designated researcher, and she brought this big, fat folder complete with pockets, filled with neatly organized brochures and printed material… summer camps, music camps, space camps, sports camps, museum programs, supervised outdoor playgroups, enrichment activities, birthday party entertainers… She pulled each flyer out, one at a time, so she and Mac Woman could discuss and come to some agreement as to which activities all the children would participate in, while Cipher simply nodded and nibbled her whole grain veggie breakfast wrap.
For two hours, File Folder brought forth activity choices while Mac recorded and scheduled them and Cipher nodded. I could not help but eavesdrop. Seriously, how could I not?
Mac - “Now what are we going to do about birthday parties…? Because we don’t want any repetition.”
File Folder - “Here, I have a section of entertainers available for hire.” Pulls out a neat pile of brochures.
Cipher - Nod…
Mac - “Now what about… you know… whisper whisper… because we just can’t invite…”
File Folder - “Oh, we can be discreet. Not everyone has to be… whisper whisper…”
Cipher - Nod…
File Folder - “I think the children should spend a week at Space Camp in Marin…”
Mac - “But let’s remember, it will be early summer and they do need to storehouse their Vitamin D so perhaps soccer camp would be a better choice. We could add Space Camp later in August after they’ve upped their Vitamin D levels.”
Cipher - Nod…
File Folder - “Oh, you are so right. Now what about this program down in Monterey…”
Mac - “But it’s a long drive with two children for a single day…”
File Folder - “But you can put on two DVDs and they each have a set of headphones…”
Cipher - Nod…
File Folder - “Are you getting all this? Because we need to discuss which sport and which instrument… And must take into consideration field trips to San Francisco… we should designate specific days…”
Mac - “Oh yes, I’ll have copies of the schedule for you later today, and I’ll leave a few blank slots for last minute additions.”
Cipher - Nod…
File Folder - “Oh, what about this concert? And it’s a fundraiser. I don’t think it’s too soon to expose them to fundraisers. What do you think?”
Mac - “Well, it would depend upon the time. Have you printed up the information?”
File Folder - “Of course, here.”
Mac - “Doors open at 6 p.m. so we could expose them for one to two hours.”
Cipher - Nod…
Eavesdropping, guilty as charged! Furthermore, I stereotyped - I just knew these women drove big fat Lexus SUVs. Oh my god, they did! Because even though they left before I did, when I walked out to my car, there they were, parked all in a row next to my mud-encrusted, dog-hair filled Toyota (with 165,000 miles on it), sitting in their white Lexus SUVs talking on their car/cell phones. OMG!
Holy crap! What are these women, professional mothers? White Tiger Mothers? Whatever happened to unstructured play? What about plunking your kids down in front of the television, popping in a cartoon and letting their brains turn to mush…actually hoping their brains will turn to mush?
My kids were super busy and I schlepped them to hell and back between horses and sports and friends and school activities, but they also watched cartoons and dorky movies, played outdoors, rode their bikes, slept in, hung out, read books, baked cookies, threw the ball for the dog, had screaming fits and knockdown-drag-out fights, talked to us - occasionally my kids did NOTHING. I mean I gave birth to children, not science projects. By the time I left Starbucks, I had a migraine. Except the German guy was really cute and he made sure to say “Goodbye” to me. He must think Americans are fucking nuts.
Watch this excerpt from Babyboom from 2 minutes and 10 seconds if you want to see what I mean:
This is just wacky. When you say ‘professional mother’ I’m not sure if you mean a mother who is a professional (i.e. a careerwoman) or someone who is a professional at being a mother. I’m the former, but not the latter, and I certainly wouldn’t do this for my child! But I know people who do….
LMFAO I think we have some like that in the UK as well. PEOPLE WHO SIT IN COFFEE SHOPS AND EVES DROP ON OTHER PEOPLE’S CONVO’S…… AND WHO ARE MARRIED AND WHO ARE PRETENDING NOT TO LIKE THE NICE GERMAN BOY SITTING NEXT TO THEM …….
How dare you Missy……..
Seriously, loved this post, why don’t these ‘mom’s’ have a two minute cuddle when they drop the ankle biter and then say goodbye until the kid comes back from University with a doctorate in being an ass-hole like their parents, then they can have all the time in the world without aggravation of parenthood? Sheesh
Or am I being Judgemental to early, again, Ciara? (AtoZ of…)
LOL I’m all for eavesdropping. I do this whenever I’m out.
I can only imagine rigid kids coming from those “professional” mothers.
I have a lot of friends who program their children’s lives to the minute. They won’t use sitters; it’s a different world raising children now. Children get everything but disciplined.
Of course, my friends discipline heir kids, of course.
OH MY GOD.
1st thought….Holy Crap. I am the suckiest mom ever.
2nd thought….those woman are insane!
I am old-fashioned, like you. Kids should have fun. That includes a few scheduled activities, and also some good old-fashioned down time.
I belong to a secretive mother’s society called The Fresh Air Club. When my kids get home from school, I scream “Go outside and get some Fresh Air.” (I’m not sure how much fresh air we actually have outside of Boston, but if there is any, my kids are getting it). When other kids come to my house, I open my mouth to start screaming, but they interrupt me and say “We know. We know. We have to go outside to get some Fresh Air.” hee hee….I have all the neighborhood kids trained! I only allow a couple of activities per week, and the rest of the time they skateboard, jump-rope, bike, play hopscotch, scooter, shoot each other with nerf guns, and other wholesome activities like that.
Also….about the Lexus thing! Ha! My husband and I have a joke that the biggest a-holes in Boston drive either a BMW or a Lexus. When we see someone in a shop, restaurant, at school, who is a complete asswipe, we know. Follow the person into the parking lot, and he/she is driving either a BMW or Lexus. Every. Single. Time. It’s uncanny.
Thanks for the Baby Boom clip!
Fantastic! Please tell me you find a way to include these people in a book someday. And, yes, I think many Americans are nuts! As to the mothering, I limited my boys to a few activities and that was it. The ones that stuck - Boy Scouts (younger son, who, as you know, made Eagle last year - because he wanted it) and band (older son - plays trumpet and now that he’s graduated, he still plays in the town’s community band). We opt for having fun with each other, but they are allowed to spend time with their friends. All this “over programming” is no fun for anyone.
This made me laugh, Julia. I sure hope eavesdropping isn’t evil because that’s where I get some of my best dialogue. I used to have a totebag printed with WATCH YOUR MOUTH, I’M A NOVELIST.
As for the moms, well, what can I say? Everybody needs a hobby and I suppose turning your kids into neurotic busy-bees with Mommy issues is as good as any. Plus, it guarantees psychiatrists will never go out of business.
I’m one of those moms who actually let their kids sleep in and watch television during their summer vacation. *gasp* Of course I also took them to community swim lessons and free swim in the afternoons. They played softball and baseball for a couple of years until the decided they didn’t enjoy it. But mostly we just enjoyed the short Maine summer hanging out together.
There definitely isn’t enough down time for kids these days. But I’m not sure all the gymboree/violin/ballet/soccor/piano/craft time is going to make them better human beings in the long run. I like who my kids have become.
Nina, I think this has been an issue among mothers for at least a generation, but man, I loved to let my kids veg out!
I know, Jaye, I need one of those totes. I listen to everything. Yeah, for sure - made for psychiatrists!
These women may just find themselves immortalized, Casey… be careful what you say around an author! Fun can never be overrated!
Penny -
Me too - “Go outside!!!” “Quit fighting in the house!!!” “Go play!!!” Actually, we did just fine with oodles of activities and periods of no activities.
But Stephanie, how can one survive without sitters? They’re essential for a mother’s mental health.
Amber -
I know! They scheduled six months… SIX MONTHS! What happens if the schedule is disrupted by, oh, I don’t know, a sick kid?
Oh Tom, I love you. I have to tell you, I love kids, I love babies, I love puppies and kittens and pretty much any baby animal and I possess endless patience with children. Not so much with crazy mothers.
The German guy was very nice. Don’t worry - hubby knows my heart belongs only to him.
No Ciara, they weren’t working women. This is their job. Professional mothers.
All I will say is OMG…Let these kids be kids and do what they want…Damn..
I agree, Savannah. Kids should be kids.
Funny if it wasn’t so true. I know some parents like this. Of course, I’m so old, my kids grew up on the farm without any extras. Amazingly, I have three college graduates out of three kids, one with a Masters in Psychology and one working on his Doctorate in Physics. And they’re all great people. Okay, I’ll stop bragging now.
Wonderful, Julia. You had me hooked when the old man with the cane-cute as a button-and his daughter were forced to move. What a great scene to tuck away for writing later, though, creating a well-deserved concluding scene for the three planners who hogged the space.
Happy birthday tomorrow! I hope you return to your roots, at least in your mind, to the rolling fields and rich earth of Iowa. You CAN go home again, at least in your memories on your birthday.
Hi Stephanie - I grew up in the country too, and we roamed all day long. I know things are different - my kids participated in lots of organized activities - they all played sports plus one competed on her horse. We were busy, but still, down time is very necessary. I know your kids are great people! I have two grads, one on the way.
Thanks, Marilyn. The old man was so sweet. I’d love to smack those planners. You know I am thinking of going back to Iowa. My parents moved out here to the West Coast, but I have a cousin there. All my ancestors are buried there. May sound morbid, but the cemeteries where I’m from are so beautiful and so old. I love to walk there.
Muahahaha! Don’t you love it when you’re RIGHT? Even if it is stereotyping. Those aren’t mothers. Those are robots programmed with social functions.
Yes, Lex. I admit it gives me a certain amount of perverse satisfaction to be right. But it’s also sooooo disturbing - How can they be so transparent?
You get in the most interesting situations:)