Please kids, don’t try this. Never, ever stick anything down your cast. I should know… I’m a nurse. Which is sorta like Ask Dr. Science. Except I have a degree in… nursing.
Getting a bug in your cast is pretty awful… as in hopping around screaming awful. As in lying on your back with your leg straight up in the air trying to shake the bug out awful. As in pounding on the fiberglass with a ballpeen hammer awful. As in nightmares of ticks birthing Alien babies inside your cast awful.
Now, since this is my third leg cast - the two previous having to do with stress fractures of the heel - I’ve learned a few things.
A. If you break your cast by hiking while you are in the cast, the cast guy will punish you by applying a tight-ass hotter-n-shit heavy as lead cast ensuring that you can barely walk at all. (Very Christian Grey of him, don’t you think???)
B. Depending upon the type of bug in your cast, there are various tools you can use to either squish the bug or fish it out. Here are a few:
The stainless steel butter knife - slides well but you must be careful not to scratch anything with the serrated edge.
The frosting spreader - better than a butter knife because it provides the same slip and slide without any sharp edges.
The cardboard bookmark - effective for a little bug.
Chopsticks - A chopstick can go much deeper than a butter knife but you must be careful not to lose your grip and drop it into your cast. Best used from a prone position with your cast held up above your head so the chopstick will fall out instead of in. (The enamel chopsticks are preferable to the wooden chopsticks which can splinter.)
A pencil - but only the eraser end. Hold on tight.
The big gun - a yardstick. This tool is for emergencies only- as in you have either a tick in there, or a bee, wasp, spider, mosquito, biting ant. There are no other acceptable circumstances under which you may use a yardstick. Especially useful when covered with double-sided tape. Be careful not to get the tape stuck in your cast.
Note to self, owning a samurai sword does not give me license to stick it down my cast, regardless of bug.
I get this sucker off on Friday… If I can make it that long.
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Note to self to avoid all circumstances where I might need a cast, to better avoid the risk of bugs in casts… we have a number of very nasty bugs in Australia!
This problem has never ever occurred to me before. Now it is the stuff of nightmares.
Oh Ciara, if I got one of those giant spiders in my cast, the kind you have there? I’d die on the spot. It wouldn’t even have to bite me, I’d just keel over dead.
lol. Sorry Julia. I just had to laugh. I guess I’m one of the lucky few who’ve never needed a cast. But if that ever happens and a bug gets in there, hey at least now I’ll know what to do. I would be very interested to hear about this samurai sword though!
So was there a bug in yours and did you get it?
Thank goodness you don’t have any pirate hooks. That could get ugly. Be careful!
I’m not laughing I’m not laughing I’m not laughing…
(ah hell, just peed myself a little)
Hang in there. Two more days… I have another week.
Not to contribute to your delinquency, but long knitting needles and crochet hooks come in handy too. Maybe you could just duct tape all the open spaces (you might lose some leg hair or skin, but no nasty buggies!).
Casey! You are contributing! Never use a knitting needle! I’d duct tape the openings but my skin would rot.
What about a ShopVac?
Actually 3 more days, Anny, if I count today. Sorry about your week. It’s gonna be a long week!
You are laughing at me, Jaye. Today I had to water the lavender which was buzzing with bees. Oh the fear! Fortunately honey bees are usually quite nice, but I am allergic to bee stings.
Ah, but Penny, I have a cutlass! Shall I use that?
An ant, Amber. I believe it is dead in there. Gross!
Hi Delilah! Remember, if your kids ever need a cast, don’t let them stick anything in it! My son has a sword collection.
Brilliant, Jaye. Positively brilliant. Don’t have one, but I do have some sort of narrow attachment for my regular vacuum!
We’re all waiting for Friday. Great post! I’m still smiling because (knock on wood) I’ve never broken anything or ever had a cast. I always envied kids in school who carried markers and had everybody sign their casts. My grandfather promised me that if I didn’t need a cast by the time I was 21, he’d pay his friend in the ER to put one on my arm or my leg (my choice) as a birthday present. By the time I was 21, I didn’t want one…
Marilyn- casts are fun for an hour. Then you want it off!
My turn to be a cast member in this little play…..
Numpty, I have a very sore right clavicle at the moment, excruciatingly sore, god knows why and movement is killing me, and that includes laughter movement. Please no more , just get the damn thing off before you drive us all nuts……
Oh and next time set the camera up on timer so we can see photo’s of you rolling about trying to scratch, that should be worth a painful laugh or two
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Yes, Tom, you are the cast! Sorry to hear about your shoulder, but we’ll fix you right up in three months! You and my husband - both laughing at me trying to dump the ant out of my cast!
I hope I never need a cast to have to try to fish one out..So far I haven’t.
I’m totally out of the loop.
I missed you breaking your leg even. I’m a sucky person. So..I’m sorry you broke it, I hope you’re okay, you need to be more careful!, hope hubster is keeping you off of your feet, hey, great writing time, I bet you hate sitting still, how long do you have to keep that dratted cast on, it must be murder in this weather, ack! a bug, I love that you have the “tools” all laid out.
Of course you could always be like me and avoid the whole thing: no hiking = no broken leg. No excessive time spent outdoors = less chance of bugs in cast.
I hope you avoid all casts too, Savannah! I’ve broken lots of stuff. Comes from thinking you can fly when you’re a kid.
Barbara - LOL! I am forced to hobble around the house and yard because I hiked in the first cast (the doctor called it a walking cast) and I broke it. The cast guy sawed it off and said - “Enjoy your 10 minutes of freedom because I am going to stick it to you.” Mean!
Got a bug working in the garden. Getting writing done? I wish!
Useful post. I hope I never need it
Friday is not too far away. Hang in there!
Hi Marie! Friday seems far away when it’s hot. Ah well, worse things in life for sure! I too hope you never need this advice!
How the eff did you do this!!! Was I away?
I have never had a cast, thank heavens.
What when who how. I am stupefyingly mystified(or vice versa). Have half a mind to come and whack you on your head like Homer Simpson.
To J’s Husband! Stern look: How could you let her break her leg and then her cast? Take her damn car keys and then her damn garden tools.
Hey, Steph-girl! He’s mean enough about it! LOL! Friday will be 4 1/2 weeks and I hope this stinkin’ cast worked!
Gagged and threw up in my mouth a little. Not that I mind bugs normally. Just stuck in a cast? *shiver*
Yes, I got an ant in the cast while working in my garden. Annoying, Nina!
Very informative blog. grin.
Sandra -