because I’m superstitious and always worried about the ‘evil eye‘. But I did come across this article and I thought I’d share-
Travelers Say Fear of Flying Is Treatable.
“Earlier this month, NBA rookie Royce White disclosed that he is afraid to fly and said he expects to travel by bus to play in at least some of the basketball games for his team, the Houston Rockets.
“But psychologists who treat fear of flying and travelers who’ve overcome it hope he’ll ditch the bus and get help instead.”
John Madden gets a mention in the article. Some of you must remember him- the former football coach and commentator who was so afraid to fly he bought his own travel bus.
The article suggests a genetic or familial component to the fear of flying. My grandmother, for instance, refused to fly and yet her oldest son was the bombardier on a B-17 in WWII. His plane was shot down over occupied France and he spent two years in a German POW camp, but my uncle was never afraid to fly. His job as a journalist took him all over the world. And none of his children are afraid to fly.
On the other hand, my father spent years too terrified to fly. Of course it didn’t help that the very first time he flew, and we flew as a family, we were caught in a horrible thunderstorm and couldn’t land anywhere near our destination. Had to fly several hundred miles out of our way, wait out the storm and take another airline home. After that episode he couldn’t fly without drugging himself into a coma.
Thus at a young age my sisters and I developed a fear of flying. All three of us have suffered panic attacks in mid-air. Hey, I don’t even like elevators. Not fun let me tell you.
So, since we all came to the conclusion that flying is essential if we want to get everywhere we want and need to go, we have all attacked the issue in our own way.
My father took fear of flying lessons, even took some flight lessons, and he continued to do so until he felt comfortable enough to fly in a tiny two-seater. He now flies with impunity.
One of my sisters continues to use anti-anxiety medication with reasonable success. My other sister is terribly fearful. She does fly, literally perched on the edge of her seat, and she always ends up sick from the anxiety she suffers.
I resort to a variety of techniques because the fear never leaves you, it simply becomes manageable.
1. Like AA members, when I step onto a plane I give myself over to a higher power. Seriously. What choice do I have? I relinquish control and assume, right or wrong, that the pilot and co-pilot want to live every bit as much as I do. I’ve always said if I could just sit on the pilot’s lap I’d be hunky dory!
2. If I’m feeling anxious I make certain to get an aisle seat. If I’m not sure I can score an aisle seat I tell the flight attendant I’m afraid to fly and I ask for an aisle seat. They’ll usually figure something out. Often they’ll put me up front where they can keep an eye on me. Once a flight attendant stuck me in the empty jumpseat next to her.
3. Whenever possible I pay a little extra or use extra miles on SWA to purchase a business select ticket and then try to grab a bulkhead seat, which allows me breathing room. Or I pay an extra $25-$50 on Alaska Air to upgrade to First Class. Definitely breathing room up there. In fact, I make sure to use credit cards from the airlines I fly most frequently so I can get miles and upgrades. The feeling that I have some personal space helps more than anything.
4. As soon as the plane leaves the ground I close my eyes and count slowly to 300. Why? I once interviewed a pilot and he told me if anything terrible is going to happen it usually happens within the first 15 seconds after takeoff. So my warped logic says if 15 seconds of deep breathing and meditation is good, 300 seconds is even better. Usually by the time I’ve counted 300 deep slow breaths, the flight attendant has come on to say, “We’ve reached 10,000 feet and electronic devices may now be switched on.” And I’m good.
5. I read the trashiest romance novel I can find. Not really, but I do bring an old standby I can guarantee will engage me for the duration of the flight.
6. I always get a beverage… Nonalcoholic with one exception, and I’ll talk about that in a minute. Doing something routine helps you feel normal. I like Coke. It’s familiar and comforting and any clear sparkling beverage gives me the hiccups. I get a Coke with ice and I chew all the ice. But only one drink - don’t want to waste my calories on sugar. I’m fortunate in that caffeine makes me drowsy. (ADD-ish, you know.)
7. I say ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’. I speak to my seatmates and I’ve met quite a few nice people, often people who are much more fearful fliers than I am. I’ve even chatted with a few famous people who are afraid to fly. See? They aren’t so different from us common folk. It actually helps to engage, to smile, to be courteous. Makes you feel like yourself. I also list myself as an RN - which is why I’m usually asked to help someone with a medical matter in flight. And that keeps me occupied. (Yes, I am a real RN!)
Knock on wood, I’ve done well for a long time. No, the fear is not gone, but I recognize the fear for what it is - irrational and, well, plain old fear.
Remember Dune? Fear is the mind-killer…
I can now fly on tiny planes - which is the one time I’ll have a beer if it’s offered. Skimming the treetops doesn’t bother me. In fact, I find it interesting. And I don’t worry about turbulence. Maybe I should, but…
Here’s the deal. I love to travel. There are many places in the world I hope to visit and I don’t have time or the money to say… drive to NYC from the West Coast so I can hop on the QEII, cruise to England and then take trains to parts unknown. And I’m not sailing across the Pacific. I mean, sure, I might one day if my goal is to sail around the world, but if it’s just to get to Hawaii, no.
I was determined to overcome this challenge, not only for myself but for my children- I didn’t want them handicapped the way my sisters and I were handicapped by my family’s fear of flying.
On the other hand, I’m very particular about the airlines I’ll fly. I do check safety records and consumer reviews.
And above all, for people who are afraid to fly- I recommend you avoid all movies involving plane crashes. No need to stimulate the fight or flight response. I suppose you could join the Mile-High Club, but man, those bathrooms are tiny!
I’m not afraid to fly…have done so on several occasions. But for me, it’s intensely uncomfortable to be cooped up with a bunch of people packed in that closely together. The restrooms are too small. The line is too long. The entire experience is bad. I would RATHER drive, taking my time to get where I’m going. So. I don’t fly. And I’m fine with that.
I am not afraid to fly. I am afraid of missing my flight. Fear can be taught; my folks were afraid of everything and made me that way.
Try jumping out of them and see how you get on….
And does Oscar know you are fantasising about sitting on an air-plane captains lap? Does Oscar have his own uniform?
Sheesh, I thought this was going to be a serious post….
xxxxx
I am terrified to fly. I also have motion sickness so I dope myself up with meds to help me sleep. I love to travel and know flying is the only true way to get to my destination, so I do it.
I didn’t fly until I was 35 when I had to for work. Luckily one daughter has flown since 10. My son took his first flight last Feb at 24…my middle daughter will not fly. We’re hoping to change that some day.
No real FEAR of flying, but I don’t like it anymore. SERIOUSLY don’t. I remember too much of the old days, when they really took care of customers on a flight.
Not five minutes ago, my husband read an article in the paper that said the major US airlines haven’t had an accident of any kind in over two years and loss of life longer than that. It is much safer than driving your car to the store.
I’m not a great flyer, so I take a paperback and concentrate on it while we take off. Counting sounds like a great idea.
I just did a blog on fear for the Gem State Writers and one way to conquer it is to make up a story. The girl gets on the plane. She fastens her seatbelt.
You get the idea.
I’m flying to Emerald City Conference next weekend, so I have to work on the fear.
Flying, blech. Yes, it makes me nervous, but only because it’s so uncomfortable. It’s as if the airlines took all their customer service and customer experience/comfort advice from a book called, This Is Life in the Soviet Union. I avoid it whenever I can.
Jay -
This is why I fly certain airlines and not others. It’s kind of like eat this not that. My parents fly United and they’ve been stranded more times… Once they were stranded in Denver for 3 days, not because of weather but because planes kept breaking down.
Have fun at the conference, Stephanie. It does help to close your eyes, keep your breathing slow and deep, and count. You feel better when you open them. My husband actually makes up stories but his stories about flying involve Superman. He pretends he’s Superman and he flies along with the plane.
Hi Tim - I love SWA and Alaska. We just flew British Airways and they were amazing. There are some airlines I will not fly.
It’s a tough thing to overcome, Amber. One day I’ll write a story about an extremely weird experience I had related to flying… but not today.
He knows, Tom and no, I will never jump out of an airplane unless it’s absolutely necessary! You are a fearless soul!
I think fear is both learned and inherited, Stephanie. Like a fear of snakes. In some people it’s innate. My sister is terrified of snakes and yet I love them. Used to catch them and carry them around with me when I was a kid, and no, I didn’t torture her with them. She was born afraid of snakes.
I don’t mind road trips, Anny, but when your time is limited you just gotta get there. And yes, the bathrooms are tiny!
Flying used to be fun! It was a treat and I loved it. I even used to drag my husband into the bathroom on all night flights after everyone else was asleep just to fool around. Those days are gone… Everyone’s is upset and suspicious. Air travel has lost it’s luster. Now I absolutely love getting sleeper cabins on a train.
Kat - I loooooove trains! The problem is that Amtrak doesn’t have a dedicated track so it takes so damn long! Train travel is by far the most romantic, the prettiest, the most relaxing way to travel.
I dream of the day American rail catches up to the rest of the world. We saw a good portion of South America by train when driving would have been out of the question because there were no auto safe roads in many areas. The train was the lifeline. The draw back is sometimes the “bathroom” is a hole in the floor of the back car… You don’t dare lose your balance!
Julia, when I was in college, my parents wanted a grand summer trip before their children went in opposite directions to build their own lives. My parents, my brother and I planned a month traipsing around Europe, ending up in Germany at the “Passion Play,” a day-long event my mother had dreamed of attending. The only problem was my dad’s fear of having us all on the same plane. He wanted Mom to fly with me, and he would fly with David, so if one plane crashed half of the family would survive. My mother put an end to that real quick! It was a matter of faith, she said, and if he didn’t get over it, he could stay home. It was one of the few times I saw her put her foot down (hard, on his) and refuse to budge.
We had a great time, though by the end of the month I was kind of wishing my brother would fly by himself on the way home.
Great story, Marylin! I do so adore your mother - she was a sensible woman. I also get the brother thing. My oldest daughter would have reacted the very same way to her brother on such a long trip.
You know, my dad wanted to do the same thing but my mother was too afraid to fly without him. They are quite a pair.
Good blog, Julia. And what a good idea to check the safety records of the planes you fly.