If intercourse = a home run, then we need a few more bases
Hubby says that I must stop behaving like a guy and learn to enjoy foreplay.
So from now on, he’s timing me. The other night, he set his watch and forced me to delay my gratification for twenty minutes so he could have some foreplay. He says he’s increasing the time by ten minutes every night. And by the way, I asked him to write this post, but he refused because he’s a wuss.
*Oh and Steph (fangs, wands, fairy dust) it’s not a matter of bottling my libido - it’s that hubby is just that good, but I refuse to share.*
Where was I? Oh yeah, this notion of bases…first base, second base and so on, is it still valid? I mean, if first base is kissing, then what is French kissing? First and a half base? If second base is copping a feel, then what is, like, um, unbuttoning the shirt and sucking on the, um, nipples? What base is that? If third base is, well, you know, then which base is oral sex? So, if a home run is intercourse, how many bases do we need to get there? Hubby says you have to run around the bases at least twice before you hit a home run. That’s six bases. Maybe it should be eight bases. Soliciting opinions here!
We had this really funny conversation about sex.
Him - “You’re so impatient. You’re like a guy. You just want your orgasm.”
Me - “Yeah, but that’s because it’s so good.”
Him - “But I want to play with you first. Five minutes and you’re ready to do it.”
Me - “How much time do you need?”
Him - “As much time as I can get.”
Me - “Why?”
Him - “Because for a guy, once it’s over, it’s over. It’s different for a woman.”
Me (fist bump on the inside) - “Yes, I know, that’s why I like it.”
Him - “Look, you have a lot of parts I enjoy. You have to learn to let me enjoy them at my leisure.”
Me (defensive) - “Well, you have parts too.”
Him - “Not as many.”
Me - “But you have the big part.”
Him (laughing) - “Yes, I have the big part. I control the big part.”
Me - “You’re gonna make me wait to use the big part?!?”
Listen ladies, he’s threatening to force me to spend an entire hour kissing him. Can you imagine? Oh cruel fate!
P.S. An addendum - my husband just read this post and came upstairs to say, “You know honey, you’re kind of math challenged.”
“Yeah? So what else is new?”
“Going around the bases twice is eight bases, not six. Home plate counts as a base.”
“Oh, I better add that onto the blog.”
“I think most of your readers will figure it out.”
P.P.S. Hubby just called upstairs - “You know, people may find this off-putting.”
“You’re the one who told me to write it!”
“No, I just suggested that you write it. I didn’t know you were going to repeat our conversation.”
“Oh for god’s sake, I can’t win for losing!”
***Disclaimer - Regardless of what I say or don’t say on this blog, remember, my life is not perfect and it never will be.
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October 26th, 2010 at 3:10 am
I’m with you on this one, Julia. Five to ten minutes is usually enough for me. Don’t drag out what I want.
October 26th, 2010 at 3:32 am
I have nothing to add to that.
October 26th, 2010 at 5:31 am
Hee hee hee hee heeeeee….thank you for this post. The title alone is worthy of an award. Your husband’s diabolical plan is brilliant and something tells me you’re going to enjoy every minute of the torture!
October 26th, 2010 at 7:35 am
I’m with you, most of the time, Julia. Get on with it… Then if you want to revisit the, er, area, come back in an hour or two or three…
October 26th, 2010 at 8:19 am
LOL Julia! I’m in luv with your hubby!
My problem is, if there’s too much play and touching, I might just reach my happy place anyway… of course, if he’s not finished with the play, it’s all good… 
BTW, your convo w/ DH needs NEEDS to be in a book, woman. Make it so.
~~Becka
October 26th, 2010 at 8:38 am
ROFLMAO! I love your hubster! And the spouse of a romance author should know nothing is safe from the blog (or story lines). Thanks for the laugh Julia.
October 26th, 2010 at 8:55 am
Ack! Too too funny! You know, there are women who would KILL you for your hubby. But remind him-in sex as in baseball, you cannot have too many homeruns in a single inning
October 26th, 2010 at 9:12 am
Julia play along!
When we have the privacy and time my FAVORITE game is delayed gratification. I love an almost painfully prolonged tease. The pay off is huge and well worth the wait.
I’m being rude and plugging my writing but I do want others to know about this special rush that modern life just doesn’t accommodate often enough. “Nice Package” (available soon!) is practically a how-to guide on holding off and driving yourself completely nuts… lol
You’ve got a great man-enjoy!
XXOO Kat
October 26th, 2010 at 9:24 am
Too funny, but really sweet. Thanks for the laugh.
October 26th, 2010 at 9:36 am
Amber - I can go fast or slow - but it’s such a roll reversal!
Steph - I’d offer him on ebay, but I worked very hard to get him!
Yes, Penelope, it’s like Giants baseball - torture! But you love every minute!
Anny - he likes the revisit too! Whatta guy!
Rebecca - he’s just this cool guy! He is in a book, he’s Jake in Anytime Darlin’.
Nina - I agree, he should know by now, nothing is sacred except the kids!
Suzanne - thanks for coming! LOL! Yes, I know…but I think I need to remind myself - wait, maybe you can’t have too many home runs per inning!
Okay, Kat - when is that book available because you already tortured me with Noblesword and Owned by Rome….
Keena - thank you. He is sweet!
OMG! I am soooo busy today! Double Ack!
October 26th, 2010 at 3:02 pm
Julia, maybe your hubby should consider cloning himself… er… for all our pleasures. An hour of kissing sounds absolutely divine to me… as well, as getting it on, so to speak.
October 26th, 2010 at 3:21 pm
Savanna, if I could bottle his essence, I would make a bloody fortune!
October 26th, 2010 at 4:10 pm
ROFL, Julia! You’re a lucky woman, Julia
And I agree, this would be a fabulous addition to one of your future books 
October 26th, 2010 at 4:21 pm
Julia,
I saw this on FF&P and thought I’d give it a quick once over. Oh wait, that’s what you want. Anyway, glad I did. Still laughing here. I will be back to read more posts in the future.
Enjoy!
October 26th, 2010 at 4:52 pm
Thanks, Fedora - I know I am, but there are times when I want to kill him! He’s in my past books!
Ciara - Hi! Thanks for the quickie! Oh yeah, that’s me!
October 26th, 2010 at 5:51 pm
OK, this is the most ridiculous, gutsy post I have read in a LONG time! I have to say, my sympathies are with on this one Julia. I am totally a ‘wham bam, thank you Sir’ type of woman - why wait when we can always do it again?
So funny that you wrote about this now - I was at NJ RWA this past weekend, discussing this very issue with my room-mates. The other married one agreed with me (and you!, Julia) while the younger unmarried one liked all that foreplay. (She’s 21 - she has all the time in the world! I’m 41 - I got things to do, ya know?) Maybe it comes from being together for a long time or just knowing what you want and when you want it!
October 26th, 2010 at 6:08 pm
Danielle - Your comment makes me laugh so hard. Ridiculous? Yes. Gutsy? I’m best known for my case of terminal foot-in-mouth disease! Ask my kids, my parents, my former friends, my poor hubby…
Yes, your 21 year old roommate is just a babe in arms. Poor thing..
I’ve known my husband for a very long time - decided when I was 14 that I would marry him - although it took us 14 more years to get around to actually doing the deed - in our case familiarity does not breed contempt. When you trust someone, you no longer have to worry about your performance or wonder what they’re thinking, or ask if your butt is too big and your boobs too small - you know what you like and what works.
Love your site - I’m a follower!
October 26th, 2010 at 6:09 pm
Keena - thanks for your comment! It just popped up out of the blue!
October 27th, 2010 at 5:35 am
This is great! Very amusing and made me think about how “timing is everything”…for both. Using a timer would kinda put a damper on things, however. It would remind me that X number of minutes have to go by before Y can happen…and I know I’d be concentrating on listening for the “ding”!!!
October 27th, 2010 at 7:48 am
A egg timer would just annoy me. How about something dramatic like the the wicked witch of the west’s hourglass in the Wizard of Oz and the threat of monkeys being released? That works… lol
XXOO Kat
October 27th, 2010 at 7:58 am
Yes, Marianne, timing is everything! His watch is okay…I forget about it!
Oooh, Kat, those monkeys scared the bejeezus out of me when I was a kid! Might put a damper on things!