The following is an article I wrote for a woman’s magazine.
It was rejected. Pity.
Does the Perfect Pair of Jeans Exist?
Shopping for jeans is the very worst thing a woman can do next to trying on a bathing suit – which is THE VERY WORST thing a woman can do. Duh, no shit.
I recently went on line to purchase a pair of $200 “designer” low-rise, stretch jeans that guaranteed a womanly fit - not too low rise and no gapping in the back. Their stylish and very appealing ad promoted their supposed philosophy that jeans should be made for the real woman. I bought a pair online because they weren’t available at any store in my area. My jeans arrived today and within 30 minutes, mired in a pit of self-loathing, I’d repackaged them and sped to my neighborhood mailing center to return them.
Yes, they were sized correctly and they fit, but not as advertised. To describe these jeans as low rise was an understatement. They reminded me of my plumber when he’s repairing my dishwasher. The gap in back could best be described as, Grand Canyon-sized. I believe the average American woman is 5’4″ tall. I’m 5’6″ tall, but these jeans have apparently been designed for the women of the WNBA. I found myself stepping on at least six extra inches of leg and I don’t think I should have to pay $200 plus shipping and then fork over the cash to have them altered. In case you were wondering, the website didn’t offer a choice of lengths.
So I have to ask myself, what does the term womanly fit mean to a designer? As far as I can tell, the phrase means Twiggy in her hey-day will be wearing the jeans, not you, no matter what the claim.
Are we all built like prepubescent boys? Some of us have hips and butts. Oh, once I lost mine, when I was anorexic and starved myself into negative numbers. But, gee, silly me, I nearly died. So what’s a woman to do? Stop wearing jeans? They’ve been the staple of my baby boomer wardrobe for well over 35 years. I may not wear purple when I’m an old woman, but I plan to wear jeans until the day I die. My will states that I will be buried in my favorite pair of frayed and ripped blue jeans - the jeans I’ve worn since I was fourteen.
Instead of all my Levi’s and Lee’s, I’d like to buy one single pair of designer jeans. I find myself with a few extra bucks and I’m willing to part with them for the right denim. What is so difficult about producing well-fitting jeans for women sizes 8-12? Oh wait, I get it, they want designer jeans on the body of Kate Moss, because she’s a walking advertisement. I’m not. Do you know that there is a designer label that advertises and embraces the fact that they are not made to fit every woman? Their honesty, while pretty insulting, is also refreshing. At least I don’t have to waste my time and my money on their product.
If I sound angry, it’s because I am. My good old fashioned American Woman self-esteem hangs by a thread in the best of times. For nearly two generations, I’ve been bombarded by images of fabulous fashion icons who maintain their looks by spending a lot of money and time on personal chefs, trainers and shoppers, and have estheticians, dermatologists, plastic surgeons and those high-colonic guys on speed dial.
While the media worships them, at the same time we’re told that by that same media that we shouldn’t try to emulate them — that they are unreal women — talk about mixed messages! Fat people only make the cover of People if they’ve lost weight. How many times and on how many magazine covers at the check-out line do I have to look at the newest starlette’s disappearing body or read about her anorexia-related death? I guess until my eyes glaze over and I lose 50 IQ points.
The newest media darling, whoever she may be, is just as much a victim of our preoccupation with appearance as I am. Except she can probably find designer jeans to fit her concentration camp minus 8 butt a whole lot easier than I can find a regular size 8. Am I the only person who sees a problem here?
How hard could it be to market to me? And women like me? I don’t mean pretend marketing, like the maker of the jeans I just returned. There are a lot of us real women out here in the real world with real money to spend who don’t wear a size zero. I challenge some designer who’s managed to hang onto a few IQ points and common sense to rethink his/her world view. I’d like some jeans that fit, please.
*I wrote this article a year ago…here’s an update to the above post – boyfriend jeans fit me great! I have three pairs and I love them! Thank you makers of boyfriend jeans! And considering today’s economy, I’m glad I didn’t waste $200 on a pair of jeans!*