What’s your ick factor limit when reading an erotic romance novel, paranormal, sci-fi, historical, or regular?
I started reading a book from Net Galley recently and the first page just skived me right out of interest as it referred to the main character thinking of his car as “snatch magnet.” Gak! My first point of ick factor is a disrespectful attitude towards either gender. It’s bad enough having to hear it in rap music, and in having lived through it, I don’t choose, generally to read it too.
Okay, how many different ways can one say vagina, penis, breasts, nipples, ejaculate, natural secretions, intercourse, oral sex or the feelings and sensations occurring while engaged in the intimate acts, while writing a love scene? And, how many can you come up with when writing multiple intimate acts in a book? Certainly, clinical description wouldn’t sell many books unless they were medical texts. But, if you read as much erotic romance as I do, you know it can become almost comic and less than erotic about the tenth time you read her wet channel pulsating around his thick rod.
I am not a writer, so I can’t say what I would do. It certainly must be difficult. But when I hit one of the more ridiculous interludes I know what I wouldn’t use.
Of course, some things are personal preference versus universally gross. For example, I don’t like the word “cunt.”
Other issues are laughable amounts of ejaculate or lubricating secretions. The idea of a woman producing so much natural lubricant that her partner would have to drink it like cream to the degree we see in novels. Yes, some women do ejaculate, but I have never met one with whom I talk about such things. I also love how in erotic romances women seem to love their male partner’s ejaculate. There’s a reason comic Ron White has a whole schtick about his [then] wife’s idea that science should give up developing a male contraceptive pill and instead figure out a way to make semen taste like chocolate. Hey, if it also made you lose weight,…
Penis length is also often ridiculous and would require the male carry extra blood in his body to achieve erection without fainting. In one case I recall an erect penis hitting the man’s flat stomach above the navel. Ow. And, then I believe the couple had anal sex with a little spittle as lubrication. Sure, sure that’s going to happen.
I guess it’s possible I am so small town, and have been married so long that I have completely missed 17-inch penises and super-lubricating women who don’t get honeymoon cystitis from having sex over and over again with their partners extra thick and long penis. And I am sure there is a bunch of people having ménages but I don’t think they’re my neighbors. As I explained to someone on twitter who had related overhearing a particularly amusing use of the word cock on the tube, the if I were to overhear the word “cock” where I live the person would probably be discussing a rooster.
So, what words, phrases or acts make you laugh or really gross you out in romantic erotica?
A fresh post from blogger/reviewer Stephanie at Fangs, Wands and Fairy Dust. twitter: @fangswandsfairy
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I gotta say it, menages, especially with related parties (ie brothers or cousins) are currently high up there on my squick factor. I read a fair number of them when I first started reading erotica, but now they totally turn me off. Aside from the fact that the whole double penetration thing just sounds tremendously uncomfortable, the related parties factor pushes me right over the edge. Obviously I’m in the minority here given the popularity of menage books, especially those with related parties, but I just can’t read them anymore.
Now to be fair, that “snatch magnet” comment came in a non-erotic book and it came from a character who was utterly obnoxious on purpose.
Of course, I happened to really like the book, so I’m biased.
I can’t spell the “c” word, let alone say it and I really don’t like reading it. I see it used as a slur too often. I’m really getting squicked by all of the rough anal sex I see popping up lately. I’ve always skipped over it anyway, but it’s gone from fairly benign, properly lubricated and prepared entry to some spit-shined, make-it-hurt sex that has the h passing out when it’s over. When it gets explained that the heroine liked it because it was the hero’s way of asserting his dominance over her, it just makes it worse.
My ick factor is when the woman takes anal first time and doesn’t say ouch! Really, people. Come on…Just sayin. Great post. *waves at Julia*
This is such an awesome post! I wished all writer’s of erotic fiction would read this and take note. I have put down (actually thrown down) a few that have just made my skin crawl!
I can stand all sorts of kinky descriptions but I too cannot read/say/hear the C word without shuddering. That is NOT a sexy word!
LOL!! OMG this is a great post! I have to agree. My turn off factor is odd euphemisms, like “love channel”, “purple headed warrior”, etc. I also really hate the words “pussy” and “cunt” yet find that I have to use them. I usually squint as I type them out and rush through the sentence. I’m also not a fan of incest, as mentioned above. Taboo is one thing, incest is just…well, incesty.
PS. I once mistyped and had a cock swinging back and forth, smacking the guy’s hips as he walked. I meant to say “thigh”. Fortunately, my editor caught it and I got a great laugh.
Everyone has a comfort level, and you certainly don’t have to apologize for yours. Mine has changed over time. Like I say, disrespect turns me off. Can you imagine a guy inviting one into his “snatch wagon?” Shades of Leisure-Suit-Larry; it actually makes me shake my shoulders and say ick!
There are two books out about mages Wicked Sexy and Wicked Bad where marriages are polyandrous. In Wicked Sexy the 2 hubs are brothers but I don’t believe they get together that way. In Wicked Bad the two men aren’t brothers but were raised together and are bi-lovers. They bring the female in as their “Triune” match. She finds watching them a huge turn on.
Like I say, somewhere relationships and encounters must be going on but I don’t think with anyone I know.
Stephanie, I loved this post! I’m off to write “Snatch Wagon Wanton” as we speak… lol
Disrespectful things that make both/either gender look ridiculous are a big turn-off. A very bad combo-pack is vulgar and stupid swirled in the same cone. No thank you.
XXOO Kat
I so agree with this post!!!
It takes a lot to make me say “Ick” I suppose I have irritants that annoy me, like , purple prose, “manhood”, “lance”. Actually I read a romance once where a plum was inserted into the woman’s vagina, it was just more of a shaking my head moment. Sex scenes are just hard to write in general, without sounding silly or offending someone.
This is a great post. I always enjoy finding out what are both turn-ons and squick factors for readers. As an erotic romance author it is difficult to write a scene that is sensual without tipping over the edge. I’m not fond of c***, but I use it because vagina is too clinical and p**** becomes monotonous. It is definitely a thin line we walk as writers because everyone is a little different in what they like and what they’ll throw across the room.
And I’m all for that “chocolate” research.
Hi Stephanie! My main problem with erotica is the repetition of 2 words…c*ck and p*ssy. Over and over again. For God’s sake, there are a million different ways to say these things (or not…the best sex scenes, IMO, don’t use them at all). Get creative. Get a thesaurus. Do something. If an erotica writer can’t think up a new and creative way to describe these body parts, she needs a new career.
I also have a problem with the work f*ck. I guess I’m old fashioned….I like some emotional attachment when characters get busy. Even if it’s fast and dirty and intense. The word f*ck is very harsh. It’s a cold, detached way to describe the sex act. I often get turned off when I read it in a story, especially if it is over-used. There ain’t nothing wrong with some lovin’ and affection. Even in erotica.
I guess I’m guilty for writing some ‘ick’ LOL. It’s all part of the job
Personally, when reading, I’m not a big fan of bodily fluids. Every heroine seems to love swallowing…to each their own. I HATE the word cream. Cream belongs only in my tea.
Stacey
I have to chime in…Stacey got me with the ‘cream’ comment! LMAO! I feel the exact same way. There are some words/phrases I just hold my nose and type, like Mia - but I avoid them as much as I can. The ‘C’- word bugs me a lot because IRL I only hear it as an insult. It’s kind of like calling someone a putz or a prick.
What bothers me is women who are virgins or who haven’t had sex for a long time, having sex multiple times the first night, and then the next day, and the next night again multiple times. Ouch!
Make it once the first time, but make it good!
Loved this. I’m not a writer or big reader of erotica, but I’m reading one now. I’m enjoying it but I’ve had a few ick moments. The word cunt doesn’t do it for me, and I don’t like anything disrespectful.
I’ve always wondered why writers don’t use the word vulva. It doesn’t sound very clinical, kind of pagan, almost I think, and it’s a convenient way to sum up all the parts : labia, vagina, clitoris. I admit I didn’t even know the word until I was in college, thought the whole shebang was ‘vagina,’ but I’ve corrected that with my daughter - my 2 1.2 year old tells me her vulva hurts when she has diaper rash, poor thing.
I love your honeymoon cystitus comment. After the fourth or fifth time they did it in the book I’m reading book, I swear I was feeling a few sympathy pains down there!
These comments are priceless! We each have a trigger or a threshold for what we can tolerate. or As writers, sometimes we have to work around that trigger or push that threshold. I have a very sensitive gag reflex and sometimes certain words will trigger it - whether I’m reading them or writing them!
Personally, I can’t stand the word c*nt. But I have a big Ick moment if the h/h spits or slobs on the others genitals for lubrication. To me, that just sounds gross.
Good article. I have long thought that there’s no nice sounding, convenient word for female genitals. Perhaps we should all start using the Sanskrit word. Yoni. If we all used it, it would come into common use.
I do sometimes say, “her sex.” I don’t love pussy, but I’ve used it.
Rebecca York
Wow, will you all come follow my site!??!?? I am thrilled to make this something we can discuss.
Purple Headed Warrior. PURPLE!?
That guy may have a problem?
And, Rebecca, I think “her sex” is good without being clinical.
My first thought was to create a mini lexicon of what we read. Then we could rate it on ickiness and as I once did in research count the number of times words appear. But, then I realized I didn’t have time.
How about a thesaurus for Romance writers?
Anyway - you have made me feel like a million bucks today. Thanks
Fantastic post. There are so many ways to kill a story. Yes we write fiction but it still has to have some truth to some things…urm 17 inches? Really? Wow
I can’t imagine someone being that long-New meaning to “long distance relationship.”
LOL! I keep coming back because this discussion always intrigues me. At Romanticon, EC actually posed this question in a workshop. But I gotta tell you, everyone has things they can work with and some that are complete turn-offs. I love when the heroine uses the f-word. To me it means she’s gone primal, stipped to the core of her need. But I understand not everyone likes that word.
And lubrication? I can suspend belief on that detail. I want to enjoy the fantasy not thinking about the fact that the poor recipient would be in pain. But each of us comes at romance/erotica from all different experiences which of course color our reading experience.
And my site is: Fangs, Wands and Fairy Dust
Wonderful post, Stephanie!
I’ve had to learn to use some words in my books that I don’t say in real life, and there are things I won’t write and that annoy me as a reader.
I’m highly suspect of a virgin having multiple orgasms her first time. Spit should remain in one’s mouth. Very few human males are pushing seven feet tall, and even fewer have personal equipment so large it would require specially tailored pants. And please, Do Not insert food of any kind anywhere except the mouth for nurishment!
In Re the “snatch magnet” the same character continuously made noise about having the female character — I didn’t read past that. The idea of the town stuck like that was interesting though. Kind of reminded me of Lost.
Very interesting. I remember when I read my first romance where the characters actually “did it”. Honey, that purple prose was so strong it was Welch’s Grape Jam purple. I remember thinking, wah?
Personally, I like really straight forward narrative but most publishers aren’t really gonna go for that. Twice I’ve had a publisher question my use of penis and requested I change it to cock. So for the reader…maybe sometimes it isn’t the writer, but the publisher guidelines that determine what words are used.
As for the seventeen inches…I think publishers/editors should sort of put the brakes on there. Hello. How would it materially change the story if the fellow was closer to reality? That’s not fantasy. That’s stupidity.
Okay … as someone who has had anal sex AND has seen a guy’s erect penis hit him above his naval, I can tell you two things: One - If you have enough lubrication and the guy lets you control how fast his penis enters your anus, it’s not that bad. It actually becomes enjoyable after you get used to it. However, when you’re finished, it’s like your poo button has been initiated, but nothing will come out … just saying … Also, if the guy is drunk off his arse and decides he’s just going to shove it up your booty hole with no warning, then that hurts like hell! I’ve been on both sides of the fence. And, since the that one time of pain, I have not participated in that particular act since then.
The second thing I can tell you is that when I saw the guy with a very long and large erect penis, I let him try to put it in my “silken basket” (bahahaha!!!), but once I realized it wasn’t going in without it tearing me, I said “hell naw” and got out of there! =)
Love the guest post - great job!
Thanks everyone. I will have to guest post for Julia more!
I loved this post. I’m not a fan of BDSM, anything that is demeaning to another person, or any type of physical violence. There are many words that are a turn off for me. That’s just me, SAHM who enjoys a good fantasy, but with no ick involved.
Great post. There is also the fact that editors will have you rewrite some words, for instance “vulva” probably is one that would be asked to revise. Writers may not want to write the “c” word or the “p” word, but editors are looking for specific things and sometimes, believe it or not, writers hands are kinda tied (no pun intended).
What incredible comments! I’m speechless…kinda. Ladies, you wow me!
As others have commented, I can attest to things in this post being quite plausible. I live in So. Cal, so maybe it’s just more swingin’ out here, but menage and more isn’t exactly rare. Neither is the use of saliva in anal play. (Is it the greatest ever if you’re an anal virgin and the guy plans to slam it home? Not so much.) And I’m fortunate enough to have known a number of males whose erect organs could say hello to their navels. So really, there’s very little I see in erotica that makes me roll my eyes and think, “Yeah, like THAT would ever happen.”
I do start to get a little lost when it’s seven guys on one chick, and tend not to like those as much. You lose track of what body parts are where and why. But then, I lived through the 70′s in the same town that inspired the movie Boogie Nights, so in those situations the actual people in the room tend to get a little hazy on who’s where, too. ::shrugs::
I write erotic historicals for the most part and some light bdsm. I try to focus on the emotions of the sexual connection rather than the physical play by play. Some words are unavoidable. They all sound a little silly. My goal is to evoke imagery, coupled with getting inside (especially the heroine’s) the characters’ heads.
Honeymoon cystitis! Loved it! haha Maybe they use RePHresh.