I’m reading a work of genre fiction, YA fantasy to be specific, and I’m having some issues with point of view. I’m the first to admit that while YA is not not my cup of tea, it hasn’t been my regular cup of tea in recent years, not since I read the first few books in the Harry Potter series. The problem I’m encountering with this particular work, which has received some excellent reviews by the way, is niggling at me. The author keeps switching between a third person point of view, i.e., what the reader sees via one of the characters, and a third person omniscient narrator who keeps giving the reader a bird’s eye view of events. I don’t like it.
The book begins in the third person, but as the third person narrator is rendered unconscious within a page and a half, out of the blue the third person omniscient narrator takes over the story telling. Obviously he has to or the story would cease altogether until the narrator wakes up, which frankly, IMO, would be a better way to go. The narration switches back and forth between the two narrators without any rhyme or reason. In one single paragraph, the author switches from third person to third person omniscient four times.
Here’s my own example (off the top of my head) that is similar to a scene in the book - I’m not going to quote from the actual book because this isn’t a review and as an author, I don’t pick on other authors, I’m making a point about technique -
(Third person POV) Staring straight ahead, eyes riveted on the approaching storm, Meg began to shake with fear. (Third person omniscient POV) The young boy standing behind her couldn’t see the storm. He’d removed his spectacles and was bent over, cleaning them on his jacket.
**Do you see the problem with this paragraph? How does our third person narrator, Meg, know what the young boy standing behind her is doing? How does she know he can’t see the storm? She’s not looking at him. Her eyes are riveted on the approaching storm.
**How might an author fix this? Staring straight ahead, eyes riveted on the approaching storm, Meg began to shake with fear. Feeling something bump the back of her legs, Meg whirled around. She realized the young boy standing behind her couldn’t see the storm. He’d removed his spectacles and was bent over, cleaning them on his jacket.
Maybe ya’ll can let this stuff go when you read, but I can’t.
Genre fiction tends to be written in either first or third person point of view. The nice thing about using third person point of view in romance is that the reader can follow the events of the story through the eyes of two or more characters. Romance writers often tell a story from both the hero’s and the heroine’s points of view.
First person point of view speaks with an “I” voice, as in, “I said this and I said that,” with the main character doing all the “I”-ing. We see the world through his or her eyes, and just as in third person narrative, we cannot see what our narrator cannot see. As a reader, we only know as much as the person narrating the story knows. The story is told via the narrator’s experiences. We know what other characters are thinking and feeling only in as much as the narrator observes their behavior, their responses to external events, or interpolates their inner thoughts.
Here’s an example of first person point of view: I ran into the store. Two men lounged near the far door. One thumbed through a girlie magazine while the other poured himself a cup of coffee. Both looked up as I entered. From the way the men stared, I could tell they were interested, but I doubted they were thinking about my pretty face. More than likely, they were looking at the long, angry, red gash running the length of my jawline. In first person point of view, we only know what the narrator knows or surmises. We don’t really know what the men see when they look at her; we know what she thinks they see or what she imagines they see.
Thoughts?
(Sorry - today was going to be about A Game of Thrones, but I got sidetracked.)
That would drive me crazy and I’d likely stop reading the book. Though I always try to be fair and finish a book, I doubt I could.
now I am dying to know if it was the book I sent!
Steph - loving the story and the characters, POV switches are making my OCD twitch! But I think if I was a kid, I’d never notice, and since I don’t read much YA, I’m wondering how common this is.
Amber - the story is intriguing and I know I’ll finish it, but I think once you start noticing POV switches, it’s hard to turn your brain off and ignore them.
I’m an author and an editor, so I struggle with it on both levels. It’s not always easy in the throes of writing the scene to spot your PoV shifts, but that’s what crit partners are for, and it’s what your first edit before you even give it to a crit partner is for. As an editor (for a publisher other than the one I write for), all too often I get work like you mention here and I feel like I have to repeat myself so many times on the edits. I want to teach a class on PoV. Luckily, I run across posts like yours here, and others on the Web, and I have begun to refer my authors to them. That was a great observation you made about that shift. It definitely draws the reader out. If the writer is going to write that PoV, best it start and end from that perspective, and have that perspective in the middle, too.
I don’t think I would ever have noticed such a thing, at least not different versions of third. Both of the sentences you showed above can be taken as 3rd person omniscient.
Julia I was rereading an early nineties Harlequin book I read before trying to write. The first page into the book, I was already picking it apart for the horrendous headhopping. I had no idea whose POV I was reading. The funny thing is I never noticed it when I read it years ago! Sometimes I think being a writer takes away a little of the enjoyment in reading sometimes. And yeah, I definitely get what you mean by the above examples.
I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t notice the third person switching as you did because like Marc, I’d see them as third person omniscient all the way through. POV only jars me when it’s literally head-hopping between characters in the same scene. (And I’m not sure why some of the big name authors get away with it, quite frankly.)
However, a well written shift impresses me.
I’m reading a romance by a NYT bestselling author that is new to me. The headhopping is crazy! I have to go back to the previous page constantly to figure out whose head I’m supposed to be in. It goes back and forth from hero to heroine, and every minor character along the way, within the same paragraph sometimes.
I like the book, but I’ve put it on hold because of this. It’s irritating and I probably won’t read that author again.
Stacey
The current rage seems to be first person present. I’ve read it done well, and I’ve read it done poorly. It seems all too often writers take up a trend without understanding writing basics, and it ruins a good story.
Even before I began to study writing as opposed to writing “instinctively,” I was bothered by head hopping. WHO was saying WHAT?
One of the best quotes I ever heard about the craft: “Good reading is hard writing,” comes to mind every time I read a book by authors who apparently don’t have critique partners who love them enough to make their manuscripts bleed.
I agree with Marc and Nina: third person omniscient. Especially given that it is fantasy. The narrator plays an important role in fantasy because it often strongly relies on storytelling, like old fairytales. I love fantasy. I think a fantasy writer looks at his/her novels as a cinematographer and director might, visually and through various motivational points of view within one scene, respectively . Things are happening and fantasy writing is a weaving of tapestry. It is multilayered and many points of view count. And, yeah, sometimes in the same pivotal scene. I’ve written scenes were the main character leaves and I have to hop into another head or, more often, jump into narration. The scene still closes in way I like.
I definitely think the use of Deep POV exercises is a really great way to tighten a scene. I cannot emphasize that more strongly. They’ve been very helpful, but I am not going to go overboard with them-at least not while I am writing fantasy or sciFi. For example, if the cinematographer in me wants to ‘see’ my main character in her first scene, even if opinions/comments are in her head, then I will say she has green eyes, because I want the reader to see them. I want them sparkling right up at my reader. I want my readers to see her pupils widen as she blinks in the darkness. At the same time I am not going to go into a lengthy description about the make and thread count of her scarf unless these are necessary, like such details were necessary in “The Age of Innocence”.
Ultimately, whenever I am unsure about this I pick up a book like Marion Zimmer Bradley’s Mists of Avalon. She hops three heads within two pages. If Marion was okay with it in certain places, then I feel better about it, too! Just my two cents. I do like both methods. -Kara
Great post, Julia, and I totally agree with you. The head-hopping thing would send me to the chiropractor. Just takes me right out of the story. I’m not a fast reader, although better now that I have the Kindle. It doesn’t take much to lose my attention. As a newer writer, I can’t afford to have that happen, so I try to eliminate all of the head-hopping I can. I know a couple of the bigs do it, but they’ve paid their dues first.
I think a lot depends upon the story and how caught up I am in it. I’ve read many novels that had POV issues all over the place, yet I still enjoyed the stories because I was enthralled with the characters. I’ve also read those where the POV issues jumped out at me, maybe because I wasn’t as interested in the story.
I think readers are looking for stories they can live and breathe. I think as writers we tend to be more precise about the mechanics.
Kay, for me a story flows seamlessly if a POV is decided upon and consistent. If the author chooses third person, even if the story is told from multiple ‘third people’ it can work very well. If an author chooses first person, then IMO that author is limited to telling the story via the character speaking to us. We know only as much as the first person narrator knows. Using a third person omniscient narrator is much harder and yes, if done consistently, it works very well - as I said, the narrator can give us a bird’s eye view of the story and we, the readers, see more than the characters alone can tell us. But if an author is also going to tell the story through one character, in the third person point of view, the transitions must be seamless and make sense. In this particular case, the transitions between voices are as fast as one sentence to the next, so I find that I’m constantly asking myself - is the character speaking? Or is this the omniscient voice-over?
If I was a kid, no, I wouldn’t notice or even care. I do notice now.
Hi Marc - probably too small a difference in my examples. In this book, there is a very definite third person voice telling a story and at the same time, an overall narrative voice that seems to speak frequently. It’s a bit like head-hopping except the narrator isn’t a character.
Hi Delilah - yes, when I read a lot of my older favorite romances I’m surprised at how frequent the changes in POV are. I’m forgiving if I like the story.
Nina, I don’t know. I think my example may be too subtle. And honestly, since it is YA, if I was a kid, I wouldn’t care at all because the story is interesting.
Stacey - I had that happen with a NYT bestseller recently. So many people were talking, and I had to spend so much time figuring out who’s voice I was hearing, that I gave up by chapter three.
Mona, that is a brilliant quote! I’m going to remember that. I guess you can look at writing as any skill - say dancing for instance. A great dancer makes his or her work appear effortless - but you can only imagine the blood and sweat that goes into making a performance look effortless.
For me a POV switch must be smooth, completely necessary and infrequent.
It’s shame to be reading and realize you are in a different character’s head than you thought you were and have to backtrack…
XXOO Kat
Kara - I actually like to see a main character through the eyes of another character, unless she’s looking in a mirror…just me. If third person omniscient can be maintained all the way through, yes, a narrator can tell an exquisite tale - but if there’s another character telling the story as well, the shifts should be seamless, not obvious. And yes, in a long narrative work, a narrator is very often essential. I like Marion Zimmer Bradley as well. I also love Linda Howard who head-hops like a crazy woman. So I guess it’s all in the quality of the story-telling.
Hi Sharon! I think the no head-hopping rule gets drilled into us by our editors. I got it drilled into me in college.
Hello, Tina. I do agree - who cares if the story is great, right? Some authors can get away with it better than others.
In the example you gave, I would prefer there be a break (Double paragraph space?) before we switch into the 3rd Omni POV. If the sentences are crammed right up on each other, then I have to stop and shake my head and *think* (not what we typically want a reader to do in the middle of a scene). I do personally like reading books with both 3rd omni and 3rd limited/deep — I think it is appropriate for the genres I enjoy (sceince fiction, fantasy) where you may have epic time spans to cover or world building - yet want a character driven plot. I believe you *can* have the best of both POVs in one work. Difficult? Absolutely. But when it does succeed, I enjoy it immensely.
Kerry - I think you’re right. What I’m finding as I read is no transition between the two voices. A transition would make a big difference, however, I actually like the character who is the third person narrator so much that if the author stuck with her, he’d have kept me 100% in his corner. Instead, it feels a little more like info dumping - as if the author feels that as a reader, I must see and know everything at once. And maybe that’s because this is YA and when you write YA, you have to tell more?
Thought-provoking post, Julia!
Third person omniscient is extremely prevalent in MG and YA, so it wouldn’t bother me. HP is entirely in omniscient. I think we have just gotten used to the deep pov that is popular today in adult fiction, as opposed to the strong narrator like C.S. Lewis and Rudyard Kipling.
Karin
Karin - great answer! Thanks! I think I like HP because it is entirely in omniscient. No question as to who the narrator is.
Hi Julia,
Extreme head-hopping jars me from the story. A little is fine but my favorite reads are when the author gets deep into the character’s head, whether it’s first or third person.
Hi Viola! I do prefer one voice in my genre fiction. It can be first person, third person (my favorite), or the voice of a narrator. Any is great, provided the voice is consistent. When it comes to literary fiction or off the wall stuff - anything goes! I’ll take voices coming out of the woodwork.
Julia!
After all the back forth and FF&P, I thought I’d post on your blog too! LOL So I have to tell you — great blog and great examples. Authors in any genre, not just YA, should never “tell” just because they think the reader needs to know something. The majority of readers love a challenge. Think back to the books you loved the most — I bet there was a twist or a surprise, or some sort of element that you had to figure out. I loved Angels and Demons (better than the Da Vinci Code). But so many people loved DVC because of the mystery behind it. But the story has to be told well. I had to make myself finish the Solomon Key. Because he “told” the whole thing. Don’t know what happened to his voice. Anyway, point is - don’t dumb down your writing no matter who your audience is, and POV should be seamless. The story is the POINT, not the view in which it is told.
Donna - now I have to pick up a copy of Angels and Demons! I had great fun with The Da Vinci Code - flat out fun! Yes, I agree, POV must be seamless - like white noise - something you don’t notice because you’re so engrossed in the world the author has created for you.
Hi Julia!
I think you explained the POV thing really well. Which POV do you prefer and why?
I used to like 1st person, but now I find it too constricting to be stuck in one POV for an entire book. Maybe it’s because I’m so ADHD…Maybe it’s a human characteristic that’s evolved thanks to forced multi-tasking in the Information Age…I’m not sure. Anyway, multiple POV gives me as a reader (and writer) better angles and wider lenses through which to view a story. I love the complexity of it!
Hello Kendall! Welcome! I’m not a huge fan of first person - too constricting for my taste - but when it’s done well, it rocks! I guess my favorite is third person POV and I enjoy a story that unfolds via several characters - the hero, the heroine and even the villain. Right now I’m working on a paranormal - the story is primarily told from the heroine’s POV, but the hero gets his say too. Unlike my previous works of romantic suspense, the villain of this particular piece doesn’t get his own say - we see him via the heroine’s eyes. I think for this story, it makes him more threatening to keep the workings of his mind a mystery and let his actions speak for him. I do not change POV in mid-sentence or mid-paragraph. If you read my stuff, I try to make sure there is a very definite pause and shift, or rather an endpoint for one POV and a starting point for the next, and I try to keep the shift logical and seamless. I hope I succeed, but ya never know!
I’m also working on a post-apocalyptic novel in first person - everything has to be known through my heroine’s eyes. If she doesn’t see it, hear it, smell it, feel it, taste it, think it, it doesn’t exist for her or for the reader. Very tough writing this!
I do a lot of POV shifting, since most of my description is from the POV of whatever character has the focus at that time. In my writing the focus can change from one paragraph to the next. I don’t change in the middle of a paragraph, but I don’t go to the trouble of making a scene change either. Whoever’s talking, that’s the POV at that time. It’s a way of avoiding dialog tags, too. in one paragraph Joe does this, he sees that, and says X. In the next paragraph Mary will do that, see this, and say Y. I minimize the ‘tell’ by making it all ‘show.’ It’s like head-hopping but you always know whose head you’re in.
Hey Marc - as long as you always know who’s head you’re in! Yeah, I get it, it’s a style.
I did a blog post about it a long time ago.
http://authorguy.wordpress.com/2010/07/09/shared-vision/
Thanks for the link, Marc - always nice to get new POV!
Wow, so many responses. It’s great to read through them all. I hang out in a camp that’s pretty sparsly populated … I really dislike line breaks. They totally jar me out of the story. If it’s the same scene, same people and the author needs to bring me into the head of the other person (like sex scenes) then do it seamlessly. Deep POV of one character, pull back and do a couple lines/a paragraph of omniscent then into the head of the other person. When this is done well the reader (even a writer) can sometimes be a couple of paragraphs down before they realize there’s been a shift.
But this is not the same as head-hopping and shifting perspectives every other paragraph, that drives me insane now that I’m a writer. It’s getting to the point where I just don’t finish the story if an author does it too much because I can’t get into the story.
Hey Julia,
My opinion is… no POV skewing allowed… what so ever… my first reaction reading just your example is… hey, if we’re in her head we can only see what she sees… so if the boy is behind her, nope… not happening. As someone who also works both sides, I’d never allow an author to get away with it, and I’d expect my editor to call me on it if I slipped up. And that’s just skewing… don’t even start me on head-hopping, which I think is easier to spot but seems okay for many big-name authors to get away with.
POV shifting is one of those things some readers might not notice… but it’s the difference between a book that is easy to read, follow and enjoy, and one a reader has to work on. With POV skewing, they walk away thinking…man, that was a hard book to read… they may not know why it bothered them or was harder than another book, but they sense something is off…
Just my two cents, but I do think it’s a huge component to a story and when done right, makes everything just flow.
hugs,
Kris
Kris - I love your answer. Seamless POV changes make for easy reading but much harder writing.
Nina, thanks for that excellent article!
Good blog. Makes us think. As you know I write first person, but when I write from the hero’s point of view I leave in 3rd. Does that present any problems for you?
Oh heck no, Sandra! I love the hero’s POV. I do the same thing!