“Open your eyes.”
“If I open my eyes I’m gonna throw up.”
“I need you to open your eyes and follow my finger.”
“I told you if I open my eyes I’m gonna throw up.”
“Why are your eyes closed? Is your head spinning? Are you dizzy?”
“No.”
“Then why won’t you open your eyes?”
“Because if I open my eyes I’m gonna throw up.” (Is there something unclear about gonna throw up?)
“Can you sit up for me?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because if I sit up I’m gonna throw up. If I move my little finger I’m gonna throw up. Pretty much if I breathe I’m gonna throw up.”
No, seriously folks, that’s kind of how it was and as I lay on the gurney in the ER I totally grasped why the elderly and the very young die of Norovirus. How terrible. I was thinking I might die of Norovirus and if I didn’t die of the virus I was hoping my friend, super secret agent, Tom Stronach, would hop on the red-eye from London and, well, take pity on me and do his thang. That’s how sick I felt. This virus knocks you flat. You go from feeling normal to out cold on the floor in like… thirty minutes. It’s kind of how I imagine a cholera epidemic would be. I pity anyone who catches this nasty bug.
Here’s how it happened. At 7:45 a.m. I loaded the dog into the car to drive to the park for our hike. I felt a little off. Nothing I could put my finger on, just a little off. I decided, because I felt a little off, to make a quick stop at the neighborhood market which opens at 7:30 a.m. for moms who’ve forgotten to pack lunches for their kids. I drove two blocks, picked up a Coca-Cola, took a couple sips, thought, hmmmm, this isn’t really helping, but still… just a little off. I pulled out of the lot, headed in the other direction toward the park. I got less than half a mile and I realized I had to turn around, like, right now.
So I says, “Jake, we’re turning around right now.”
And he’s like… “WTF???”
It took me maybe two minutes to drive home and by the time I pulled into the garage I was already reduced to crawling into the house. That’s how fast this hit.
So, Penny Watson will be happy to learn I did eventually open my eyes and followed my physician’s finger with my eyes. He was really attractive with the cutest little soul patch. She woulda crushed on him big time.
As a nurse, I couldn’t help but listen to everything going on around me. Force of habit. The 26 year old with obscene nausea and vomiting - welcome to my world, honey. I feel you. The two unrelated seizure disorders- both men had bitten through their tongues and needed them stitched- one man had managed to create his own forked tongue. The elderly woman who’d fallen and sustained a probable fractured humerus. The drug addict who stopped by to say hey to the staff and thank them for saving him from an overdose the previous week. The cardiac event of some sort, probably a myocardial infarction (heart attack, 12-lead EKG showing significant S-T elevation- just showing off now).
Gotta say hi to my girl Jaye. She tried to reach me all day long with worried chat thingies.
So listen, I’m not usually sick. Remember that. I’m sick of talking about being sick. This is the last of it for 2013, right? Because 2013 is my good luck year. I was born on a Friday the 13th so this odd start to the year is an anomaly. Besides, it could always be worse. One of my kids’ favorite Yiddish folktales.
Oh, and I am fascinated by this pope-choosing endeavor. I hope they pick a good one. (As you can tell, I have way too much time on my hands.)
My husband and I caught Norovirus on a trip to UK. We were staying in somebody’s house and put the ‘off’ feeling down to jetlag. Our hosts dished up a great dinner, we both looked at the food on the plate and dived off to separate loos. We moved out to an apartment as soon as we were able, but we’d infected everybody at dinner. Not much fun. So (to cut a long story short) I feel your pain and understand.
2013 has not started off well for us either. I hope you feel tip top soon.
Awe Honey, if I coulda I woulda.
But, you know the thing I have noticed in your writing, your stories and in meeting you briefly …
RESILIENCE
You have oodles and oodles of RESILIENCE and while the start of the year has really sucked for you, you will bounce back tougher and meaner than Ripley ever was, having kicked the butt of every germ that has tried to suck the life from you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Which is more than can be said for Cuba Gooding jr in the film the ‘Devils Tomb’ 10 minutes, turn off, what is it with decent actors making such trash I mean for gawds sake ‘Men of Honour’ to this
I think you have managed to pack a good 5 years worth of illnesses into one month. Hopefully now that Feb 2013 is over, you will have many months of good health to look forward to.
You should go back to the hospital to thank the cutie doctor. Hee hee!
Well, sweetie, I hopped onto the internet and couldn’t smell anything delicious cooking, so I knew something must be wrong. I hope you’re on the mend.
Fluids, lots and lots of fluids. Did the peppermint oil help any?
Hi Jaye! Fluids are all I can tolerate. Sorta makes me wonder if I’ll ever eat again. The peppermint oil helped a little. Thanks for the suggestion.
Penny - he emailed me to ask how I’m feeling! I sent him your address!
Yeah, Tom, I was thinking, WWTD? What Would Tom Do? Because I remember you fell out of an airplane and survived. Thus you are the guide by which I measure all suffering. Huh… Never heard of Devil’s Tomb. Wonder if it’s even been released here.
I know, Amber - What is up with this?
Oh Greta- you poor things. I can imagine how awful that was. We were supposed to have three people staying with us because of the Napa Marathon this weekend. Had to send them elsewhere. I wouldn’t want anyone to catch this.
Yep, Greta. I once had the same thing while at my brother’s home for Thanksgiving. Sicker than a dog and shared it with everyone who came around. Had to drive across country to get home during the tail end of it. Stayed with my cousin who thought I was exaggerating just how bad it was. A week later I received a very chastened apology from her via telephone. “It was worse,” she declared. So. Julia, you have ALLLLL my sympathies. Oh, yeah. Right before I got sick, I consumed PIZZA. It was quite a few months before I could face anything with tomatoes in it…
My DIL had it last week. She said the same thing. It hit her in less than 30 minutes. I’m babysitting the world’s cutest baby this week. Hoping the germs die quickly. Hope you feel better soon.
Ooh, Stephanie, have fun! I love babies. Wow, the more stories I hear…
Anny - I actually managed to throw up violently for hours with nothing in my stomach aside from a couple ounces of coke. However, the overwhelming sentiment was… If I smell or taste food again in my entire life it will be too soon.
Oh, yeah, I hear that. I was celebrating my BIRTHDAY… um, some birthday. About three days later, my brother hauled me downstairs to sit in their hot tub for a short while because my ribcage was so painful from throwing up. So GET WELL SOON!
Anny -
Oh Julia, I hope you feel better very, very soon!!
Thanks dear Tessie. I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been sick. Weird year.
OMFG Julia! That’s the scariest thing I’ve ever heard! (I’m probably old enough to die from it) Please get better soon.
I feel for you. My son and daughter in law had it too.
Well, Ray, just stay healthy. I know, easier said than done. But do it anyway!
Didn’t you have this a couple of weeks ago; right after the pneumonia? Horrid weight loss method. I got that on a trip back from, hmmm, Napa as it were. Feh.
Well, Steph, it’s been sorta one thing after another.