Wicked Wednesday- Author D.C. McMillan, my David Sedaris-obsessed author friend.

D.C. McMillan is hilarious. She’s also Canadian, eh. One of these days she’ll meet David Sedaris and she’ll get it right!

Since my latest release is called The Wedding, and it involves a woman who would rather get stabbed in the eye than attend one, I’ve decided to share my thoughts on weddings. I warn you that my views might not be popular, especially in regards to the cash bar, but whatever. I can take the hate. So let’s get to it!

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Ah weddings. They can be so fun, can’t they? Or they can be about as pleasant as a root canal. It can go either way, which is why I groan every time I get one of those over-the-top invites with the Curly Q writing.

Yep, a wedding is a crap shoot. I might spend the night sipping bubbly and dancing to a killer band or DJ. There’s also a very good chance I’ll resort to forking out money for overpriced well drinks at a cash bar, in hopes that I’ll get drunk enough to not give a shit that the inevitable chicken dance is looming in my near future. And speaking of the cash bar… Can I just say that wedding guests do not care a damn about the decor, flowers or parting gifts at the end of the evening? If a couple has to choose where to spend the money, the answer should always be the bar. I don’t care if I have to bring my own tofu dogs to toss on the grill, I want the full bar. Weddings are so bloody expensive to attend already – the dress, the heels, the hair, the minimum $200 gift, the hotel, if it’s not taxi distance from my home and, in extreme circumstances, the airfare. That’s right. Airfare. Couples are now doing that destination wedding bullshit that saves them from spending an extra twenty grand or so but costs guests up to two thousand dollars each. How is that fair?

I’ve attended all types of weddings. I went to one with a budget of over $100,000 at the Four Seasons in downtown Toronto (I won the centrepiece at our table, which was a flower arrangement/vase that probably cost the same amount as the $300 cheque I signed over as their wedding gift). I’ve been to several that took place in back yards. The most memorable back yard wedding I attended was one in the middle of nowhere, USA. The sun glared as I made my way to the festivities, just like it had been all week. Shortly after guests arrived, however, the intense heat disappeared and a frigid wind took over. The centrepieces consisted of plastic cups half-filled with water and a colourful beta fish, which the guests were supposed to bring home with them at the end of the evening. Then the beta fish died because of the cool temperatures so we basically had to stare at dead fish while trying to keep our bodies from shivering to an extent that we couldn’t stuff homemade potato salad in our mouths. When it began to spit rain, I envied those fish.

The most fun wedding I’ve ever been to was one with a very small budget that took place just outside of Toronto. The bride and groom only invited fifty people, put a few gerberas on the tables, served lasagne for dinner and homemade wedding cake for dessert. They put all of their money into the bar and hiring the best D.J. they could afford. The night was a smashing success. We danced and partied our brains out. At midnight, the groom’s father handed out cigars, which we had to smoke outside. Then every single guest went back inside and danced until the hotel security shut us down at three in the morning.

So what about you people? What is your most memorable wedding experience? I want to know! In fact, I want to know so bad, I will give a copy of The Wedding to the best answer I read in the comments section. And speaking of The Wedding, here is a bit more info about the book.

The Wedding

Karen is not the type to attend a wedding with a guy she’s only slept with once but, in a rare display of empathy, she agrees to accompany her new landlord Allen to this sure-to-be-boring function. Fortunately, Karen knows how to have a good time, and she’s pretty sure she and Allen can make their own fun…even if they have to do it in the outdoors just steps away from a couple hundred stuffy wedding guests.

The Wedding, mini-excerpt:

The car rumbled to life and he pulled from the roundabout into traffic. He seemed at ease, his hand alternately resting on my thigh and the shifter. As we neared our destination, however, his comfort steadily dissipated. His fingers tapped against the wheel and he smoothed his other hand along the thigh of his dress pants. Jesus, I hope he’s not going to act like this all night. There better be an open bar.

“So, uh, like I said,” he said finally. “My ex-best friend and his wife won’t be there.”

“Uh huh,” I said, distracted. Who doesn’t have an open bar at a wedding these days? No one, that’s who. God, I hope the champagne is good. I need an overflowing glass of expensive champagne, like, ten minutes ago. Since when does Karen Valentine go to weddings as someone’s date?

Buy Links:

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D.C. McMillen enjoys writing about dirty sex in questionable places but has been known to write about other subjects, on special occasions. She is featured in MuseItHot’s Short & Spicy line up with The Rental, The Wedding and A Decent December. D.C.’s short stories and flash fiction can be found in several anthologies and other print and online publications. She is obsessed with Twitter and invites you to look her up at @mcmillendc, on her blog, or Facebook.