How to Raise a Jewish Dog, the Rabbis of the Boca Raton Theological Seminary as told to Ellis Weiner and Barbara Davilman.
From the chapter Training and Obedience:
Examples of Advanced Commands:
“Don’t stare at cousin Edith’s hair when she comes over.”
“Don’t mention the breakup.”
“I’m cold. Put on a sweater.” (taken from my mother’s book of commands)
“You don’t have to call him doctor. It’s just a PhD… In Media Studies.”
“I don’t know how she lives with him. Tell me, how does she live with him?”
I had this dream last night that it was WWII and we were invaded by the Germans, here on American soil. German soldiers came to our house and we hid from them, with Jake, of course. I recognized the German officer in charge. He was the same officer who had appeared at my house during WWI (this is a dream, remember, so time is immaterial) and he’d taken my other German shepherd, Louie.
When he found our hiding place, I yelled at him that he wasn’t taking Jake. And furthermore, I demanded he give Louie back.
He replied, “Louie is a great dog, the best dog I’ve ever had. I’m not giving him back.” And he strolled out of the room.
Jake and I chased him down. I wanted Louie back so bad.
I woke up, didn’t understand at first, then I realized it’s the two-year anniversary of Louie’s death.
Here’s the thing about German shepherds, they occupy an entirely different plane of dogdom. They’re like people wearing hairy suits.
We had Rosie, our golden retriever, and she was an amazing dog, maybe the best dog ever, but Rosie was a dog dog. Louie was different, Jake is different, and so was my family’s dog, Boaz, a German shepherd/collie mix. They aren’t dog dogs. They’re people dogs.
Jake’s not Louie, Jake is Jake. When he was a puppy, he channeled Louie - I could see the occasional flash of Louie’s consciousness in his eyes, but now he’s just plain Jake, his own unique person. Thank god I have Jake, but I wish I could have Louie back too.
