The earth is different today because my second father is not on it. There’s a hole in the place where he stood. My chest hurts and I can’t stop crying.
At the age of seventeen, I graduated from high school and left the States for Israel. Scarred and defensive by years of emotional, physical and sexual abuse, I arrived on a kibbutz carrying 86 pounds on a 5’6″ frame, suffering from a three-year bout of anorexia, an illness my parents had ignored.
This man, a married father of five children, the oldest of whom was just two years younger than me, spotted me the very day of my arrival and adopted me into his family. He saw me for what I was, trouble, but he didn’t run from me.
I knew by the time I was six years old that I would not treat my children the way I was treated, the way my sisters were treated. I was determined to love and protect my children and raise them right. But I had no close role models to show me the way.
This man became my second father and he showed me the way, breaking down my defenses and opening my heart. He lived every day with joy, even through the worst tragedy imaginable, when he lost one of his children in an automobile accident.
Despite an invitation to stay and become a member of the Kibbutz, I left Israel fourteen months later because I realized I was forgetting my former life and I knew if I didn’t leave then, I’d never leave. There have been countless moments since when I’ve wondered…what if?
The unconditional love of this wonderful man and his family cured me of my anorexia. I returned home weighing 110 pounds. Despite the fact that nothing had changed, and unfortunately the situation was worse in some ways, I had changed. He and I remained close until yesterday, when death snatched him from everyone who loves him.
My life has been far from perfect, and I’ve messed up big time over the years, but this one man taught me how to love - your spouse, your children, yourself. He also taught me to forgive. He was one of those people you expect to live forever.
Death should have taken a bloody holiday.
I’m sorry to be so fucking maudlin. I hate it when authors get like this, but I just can’t stop crying.
Sending you a huge hug….so so sorry to hear this sad news.
Thanks, P.
I had to cry reading this. What a beautiful man. The best tribute you could ever offer him is the kind and loving life you built on his example. You took his gift to heart and the miracle was accomplished in only 14 months but it’s a gift your children and grandchildren will long benefit from. You went home a changed person and brought his lessons with you, so in a very real way you’ll always be living on his kibbutz.
I hope he visits you in a dream.
XXOO Kat
Oh, Kat. Me too. Wish I could stop crying, but I guess I will in a few days. I hope I get to see him again.
He made a difference. What more can we ask of life than to touch those around us with love and grace? My heart is with you.
Thanks, Anny. I know.
My heart goes out to you. When you love someone that much, the pain of the loss never really goes away, but eventually, you do learn to live with it. You’ll carry him around always in your heart.
Julia-
I am so very sorry for your loss. I know your memories of your time with him will keep him alive in your heart, and the hearts of those who know you.
Hugs,
Sharon
Thanks, Jen, and thanks, Sharon. I’m holding a picture of him in my mind - the day we met. He was full of life and laughter, the biggest practical joker ever.
So, so sorry, Julia
We all need to have someone like him touch our lives at least once. *hugs*
I’m sharing your tears, Julia. My father in law was taken from us way too soon. The love and peace he offered his family is missed every day. It seems so wrong when someone with so much to offer so many is taken from this life.
How fortunate to have had this wonderful man put in your path. Gentle hugs for your hurting heart.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your tribute was beautiful. Hugs, dear.
Thanks, Rachel.
Thank you, Nina. I agree - there are some special people in this world.
Thank you Stacey. Love you.
what a wonderful tribute. he was your angel. i am sure you’ve paid it forward many times. I have never learned to forgive. You are lucky he showed you that.
Well, Steph, I may forgive, but I don’t forget.
Thank you Julia for sharing with us this personal story, you made me tear up. I’m just glad you met such a wonderful person who got to love you and his love and attention cured you and gave you strength and confidence. I am so sorry for your loss!
Thanks for your thoughts, Stella. He was an amazing, vibrant, funny, loving man.