So you know how it is, right? You come home after being away for 2 hours and 40 minutes because your son left his cell phone at your house by mistake- so you drive to meet him at the halfway point, which takes an hour, and the two of you spend some time at a produce stand and you drive home through obnoxious traffic and you unload the car, carrying your purse, your water bottle, and four heavy bags of fresh produce and the dog greets you at the door but your husband is there, in his home office, doing telephone/video appointments (he’s a doctor) and you look at him and he says, “Shhhhhhhhhh….”
So with a grunt you hoist up the bags and carry them into the kitchen and you set them down on the table with another grunt because they are bloody heavy and you turn around to pet the dog and that’s when you see it- the tarantula on the ceiling just in front of the doorway you walked through.
So you hop up and down in terror for a few minutes, all the while swallowing your screams, and you know you have to do something because the tarantula is on the move and hubby is talking to someone having a heart attack (no, not you, but could be you at this point) so you run to the cabinet and grab a really big jar and just as you drag a chair over so you can stand on it to reach the tarantula he realizes you’ve noticed him and he decides the smartest thing he can do is jump down onto your head.
So you’re like screaming at the top of your lungs- on the inside- because hubby is busy arranging for transportation to the emergency room for this patient and you know you can’t make any noise. Except you’re hissing many expletives.
So you jump out of the way and the tarantula misses you and you manage to quick sweep the him into the jar and you run outside and dump him into the nearest hydrangea.
And from now on you realize you’ll have to keep an eye peeled whenever you’re in the backyard. At least a tarantula isn’t poisonous or aggressive, just a big-ass spider.
And then your husband finishes making arrangements for his patient and you ask, “How ever did you miss that tarantula on the ceiling???”
His mouth drops open, he shrugs, and calls the next patient.
Don’t let him tell you you aren’t brave. Pioneer woman, that’s what you are.
Oh Stephanie, LMAO! I do these things out of necessity!
When your husband got off the phone, I think you should have broken into a L-O-U-D chorus of “I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar…” and handed him the jar WITH the tarantula inside, instead of outside, happily carousing around, just waiting to bond with you when you least expect it…
Vacuum Cleaner, big glass of booze (for you, eff the big hairy bug!)
Steph, it would have clogged up the vacuum and the results would have been absolutely disgusting! Besides, spiders are good luck and wise creatures. However the booze sounds wonderfully appropriate!
In Australia, they’re huntsmen, not tarantulas but they’re big and hairy. We don’t have them here but we did in the previous house, where it was my job to evict them. Which I did, as you described. The funniest thing you’ve every seen is when two hulking great blokes realise there’s a SPIDER IN THE CAR! We had to stop so I could catch it for them
Too funny, Greta! I’m picturing your hulking blokes! I’m a big fan of spiders although I don’t like the big ones in my house. I just move them outdoors. My husband hates daddy-long-legs, which is pretty funny. What’s really hilarious is ranchers who are terrified of snakes. If a snake isn’t poisonous I’ll just pick it up and move it.
But I can’t come to Australia because you have so many poisonous creatures! Freaks me out!
OH OH NO NO NO NO NO NO. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cannot read all of this. I am deathly afraid of teeniest tiniest smallest spider. But a tran….I can’t even finish typing its name.
Oh no…tell me you are alive and OK.
Oh Julia, however did you do that? I would’ve torn my hair out, whatever to get it off me. You are brave. You would’ve heard me clear south to your state, and that’s a hell of a long way from Vancouver Island. I don’t know if I would’ve put it back into the garden. That’s nightmare city.
Oh Roberta, you make me LMFAO! Yes, fine. The thought bothers me but I know tarantulas aren’t aggressive. I just didn’t want to get it in my hair! He’s outside, probably under the deck by now which is a good place for a tarantula. I just think it’s so typical of my husband. When he’s concentrating on other things he just doesn’t notice stuff like a tarantula on the ceiling.
I might have heard you scream, Diana! I guess you don’t want to hear the story about how when my kids were little I found this fuzzy round ball in the bathtub- didn’t recognize it- picked it up and it uncurled in my hand, a big old tarantula. I did scream and tossed him up in the air. Then I swept him into a paper bag and let him go in my neighbor’s yard. I wasn’t all that fond of my neighbor.
It’s not poisonous? Really? It is damn big ass though! Nice job Julia! I’m sure as hell NOT moving to wherever you are! Big ass spiders and cats. No fuckin thank you!
Well, Ray, it’s only poisonous in the sense that all spiders are poisonous. But its venom isn’t deadly. And I think they are pretty good natured. Just no attractive in our sense of the word. So I guess you won’t be moving to California. But I’ve seen them in Arizona and New Mexico too. And southern Utah. And I ran into one of these at summer camp in Nebraska- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trapdoor_spider
I am in California but we have no Tarantulas in the LA area. I can deal with Black Widows and daddy long legs (not even spiders) and even those damn cockroaches! Actually if someone had a pet Tarantula I would hold it but I don’t want em crawling free in my damn house. Call me a wimp but I can deal with that.
But you must have them in the desert outside of L.A. Ray. I seriously think they live there.
Julia there are no tarantulas in the San Fernando Valley. I’ve lived here for 38 years. We have vultures,coyotes,hawks,mountain lions but no scary hairy big ass spiders. My wife would NOT live here if there were.
It must be a spider weekend one of my nieces posted this on FB
“Giant spider on the living room wall. Traumatic enough, no? Obviously not, according to big JC up there. He makes the spider a total ninja and lets it escape under the couch when I try to catch it. Obviously I can never sit on the couch again. Bang goes my nap for tomorrow. And probably any sleep tonight too.”
My response to that was
“you do know that a good source for spiders to drink is the corner of your eyes when you are asleep they tippy toe across your face and drink their fill from the moisture …. just saying”
jut saying
about an hour ago · Like · 1
You’re a brave, brave woman! I have chills imagining you taking it on.
So I read this aloud to the old man last night and he was cringing in horror. “She didn’t smash it?” he asked in a squeaky voice. I, being a good wife, laughed like a loon.
I’m a little bit jealous. No tarantulas in my neighborhood. The biggest we have are wolf spiders. Ornery things who’ve taught the cats and dogs to leave them alone.
You did a good deed putting it outside. It will repay you with the empty husks of garden pests.
Too funny, Jaye. How could I possibly squish anything so huge??? Ewwwwwwww! I actually don’t mind tarantulas, just not in my house. He’ll have plenty to eat outside. Wolf spiders are meaner than shit. Bad tempers.
Well, Amber, you do what you gotta do!
Oh Tom, you must have had her screaming! That’s sooooo gross! I’m sort of amazed at the size of your spiders. One would think England would have little spiders because it’s a little country.
So, Ray, I saw a tarantula near Pomona, in Claremont, CA, where my daughter was in school. It was at the nature preserve just above the school. Is that near you?
When I was a kid, my cousin had a pet South American tarantula. It was about the size of a dinner plate. He would let crawl up and down his arm. He claimed it wouldn’t bite him because he had a hairy arm. After seeing that thing, all other arachnids seem pretty puny
here’s what the thing looked like:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Theraphosa_blondi_1.jpg
William… Ack!
And again William, Ack!!!
Okay. You are a FAR braver woman than I am. I would seriously have considered burning the house down!!!
I don’t know, Julia. Heart attack-tarantula on the ceiling-I think its a toss up on the Richter scale of importance.
Funny, well not in the ha ha way, but I was dealing with a big ass spider this morning. I’m assuming of the wolf variety. I got him in a plastic bag and tossed his hinnie outside.
Sandra- very courageous. I’ve actually had wolf spiders rear up on their hind legs and hiss at me.
Once upon a time I would have done that, ad. I’m getting way better about spiders!
Pomona is about 50 miles from me. I hear tarantulas hate the valley! (That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!) >^<
I was driving once on a dirt road in Arizona and spotted a tarantula crossing in front of me- a quarter mile away! Now that was a spider. You could probably have seen it from outer space.
All I can say, Yoshi, is WOW! I’d like to have seen that.
Whatever you say, Ray…