Stupid slider.

Slider: a slider is any small or mini sandwich. A few examples:

I took my son and his best friend to lunch on Friday and boy, do I feel like a stupid slider. They wanted to go to this place they’d seen on a Food Network special that serves fire-grilled burgers and sliders. I don’t eat burgers, which meant I was stuck with the only non-beef/pork item on the menu, something which sounded waaaaaaay better than it turned out to be…a beet medallion slider.

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking - A beet medallion slider? You think that sounds good? Are you nuts?

Well, a little.

I’m thinking, yeah, sure, a beet patty in a little two-bite slider thingy sounds intriguing - complete with some slaw and green goddess dressing. Might work. I like beets. And I ain’t gonna eat a hamburger so…

All right, here’s what happened. I was served three big sliders, like, hmmm, how to describe this….the buns were homemade and you might think that would be good, but no, they were not. They were large, unwieldy, hard and dry, kind of like the awful matzoh meal buns my mom used to make me take for school lunches during Passover. Blech. Those suckers nearly choked me to death. Even our dog refused to eat them, she’d roll on them.

Back to the sliders. The buns were too big to be considered sliders as in each would take at least 6-8 bites to eat as opposed to what I would guess to be the slider norm of 2-3. Plus they were really tall so it was hard to get my mouth around the slider. To my utter disappointment, each of my three sliders contained the following: A single slice of fresh beet approximately the thickness of a quarter and not quite the circumference of a half-dollar. Maybe a sixteenth of a teaspoon of Green Goddess dressing. A dime-sized piece (not a slice, a piece) of red onion which I suppose passed for slaw.

I’m sorry…I spent $15 for this? This was featured on the Food Network? Now who’s nuts? The boys got the burgers and they looked good, but c’mon! How annoying! I ended up pulling the beet slices out, eating them with what Green Goddess dressing I could scrape off the bun, and leaving the rest.

Last week we attended an open house at a winery adjacent to one of the parks where we walk - the owner opened the gate and invited all the hikers to come in and hang out in his barrel room for wine tasting and a barbecue. It was raining, but he had this great grill set up and a chef, a real chef, there to cook pulled pork and prepare sliders with slaw. Too bad I don’t eat pork. Damn, they looked good and they were free. They also had some ribs that looked slammin’. Too bad I don’t eat those either. Did I mention that the ribs too, along with bottles of Mexican Coca-Cola, waters and juices were free? Free?

So, lesson learned. Next time, make my own beet sliders ‘cuz I can make some good ones. If I’m going to waste my calories on something white, i.e., a slider bun, then it better be soft and tender and small enough to fit in my mouth.

Sorry, when it comes to food I have high standards.

Sunday night…Khal Drogo. Sigh…

Related posts:

1. Day Three: The Stupids or Stupid is as Stupid Does. I’m an idiot. My excuse? I wasn’t thinking clearly. The...
2. Save me from myself! Since I’m stuck at home doing a whole lotta nuthin’,...
3. I got quoted…wowza! Author Amarinda Jones quoted me! Me! Can’t believe it! Amarinda...
4. You Gotta Try a Spicy Shirley! With crab! Unfortunately, there’s no crab in this picture. It’s...
5. Eye of the Needle, I cannot tell a lie and my sexy guys! WWII German superspy, the Needle, who gravitates towards murder using...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.