Unless the subject is sports, my husband doesn’t often reflect. Well, that’s not entirely true. He’s a very reflective kind of guy, he just doesn’t always discuss his reflections unless they have to do with sports.
But this morning my husband said- It seems to me our society has lost many of its core values. Values like caring and concern for our neighbors and our community. Taking responsibility for ourselves and our children. Taking seriously what it means to have children in the first place, or to have a sexual relationship, or to marry for that matter. It seems like we no longer respect differences of opinion. We’ve become so intolerant, especially the groups that once promoted tolerance, the groups I was a part of.
Even music- It’s all for show, nothing more than superficial bling, glitz and glamor.
And then he shook his head and he read about the San Francisco Giants. It’s almost baseball season, you know. Every year is defined by baseball. Just my opinion.
He loves the Kindle Fire I bought him for his birthday. He listens to Pandora - can dial in the music he likes. He was listening to this music when he said those words:
Which reminds me of a recent discussion I had with an author friend. She and I agree on the following - the Romance genre is in danger of losing its heroes. The appeal of romance has always been the heroic archetype or the hero’s journey. Yes, I said it. Heroic Archetype. Hero’s Journey. A hero in a real romance novel will descend into the depths of hell for his woman. And she will do the same for her man. The hero’s journey, the archetype, provides context and meaning, and ultimately change and transcendence. Real romance is all about true love. Think The Princess Bride- Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.
What do we have now? We have the increasing popularity of asshole heroes, men who would be considered abusive in real life. Yes, these men are complicated and fascinating and yeah, they suck you in. But in real life they are very dangerous. I should know, I was married to one once upon a time and barely escaped with my life (and my son).
So we have A-hole heroes, a glut of BDSM stories-all interchangeable, many of them built around, as my friend Lorca Damon says - barely legal virgins.
Want to read a great romance? No, not by Jane Austen although I do prefer Austen to much of what’s out there today. Truly one of the best traditional romances I’ve read~
Winter Woman by Jenna Kernan.
Or if you really want to read a terrific Gothic romance, nothing beats Jane Eyre.
Speaks for itself…
It’s surprising how much I refer to Jane Eyre - standards, you know.
Although I claim to be writing mainstream, the story I’m writing has a heavy debt to Jane Eyre, and a solid, if complicated, love story with an eventual happy end.
Much owed to Jane Austen and Dorothy L. Sayers, as influences.
And yes, the world is going to …. in a handbasket.
Alicia
Oh Alicia - everything I know I learned from Jane Eyre, Little Women, Dune and Shogun. And I guess a lot more books but those I my yearly re-reads. And I agree with you and my husband.
I honestly DON’T think we have lost those core values. I just think the other shit is more entertaining and exciting thus more newsworthy and fun (entertainment wise). I think the bad boy has always been more attractive to the young girl in us (you) and until the female matures enough to actually find out what they really need and want the bad boy will usually be what they desire. As for the world……well the bad shit will always be what we hear about but in our own lives it’s the good stuff and people that really matters to us. (mostly…..after all there are some truly bad people out there and always will be.
Oh Ray! You are so wise! Why ever are you hanging out with me? You’d really give me shit if you heard about my bargain with God.
Welllllllll……..your always out in the woods dodging mountain lions and falling off of dangerous trails and doing shit with steers and other nature stuff and I’m on the computer reading your dangerous stuff.
It would be fun to meet someday and I gotta hear this deal you have with god. I’m always available to give you some shit. 
And as for wise…………Well my wife might let you have some shit over that statement.
I’d sure love to be out in them thar woods right about now, Ray, but I’m stuck hobbling around at home on a weird torn up knee. Hate. This. Might have surgery as soon as Tuesday. MRI tomorrow. Seriously, out of the blue.
I’d love to meet you! And us wives sort of think that about our husbands.
I hope your surgery goes well and your up and out being all naturey with Jake again.
Thanks, Ray. I have these visions of losing my leg, which, oddly enough, frightens me less than the thought of a knee replacement. I hope he can just repair it. It’s gonna hurt like an SOB. I’ve had the other knee repaired and man oh man, there were times during that first month post op when I wanted to just cut the leg off.
Doesn’t it suck that the things we enjoy so much and are supposed to be good for us can break us down so much. 30 years of basketball (and carrying mail) has left me with some aches and pain but nothing like you. (Back and knee and ankles but more annoying then debilitating) Still wish I could play ball now but I guess bowling and the gym is as physical as I can get these days. I hope you get to keep your leg and the recovery is not so painful this time.
Yes, true Ray. You could play German shepherd basketball. We play flat-footed so we don’t jump up and come down on Jake’s feet. It’s funny- I played so many sports and I’m so active, but if I’d just been sedentary like my mom I’d be in one piece. But then… If I had to go back and do it again I guess I’d do it pretty much the same.
It’s hard to watch the news and not think that way. But, if we look around at people with people, you can see there is a lot of help and caring out there. For example, i my town last summer a house blew up. Seriously, it exploded. One woman’s cats were missing and by the next day we had posters and people out looking. Offers of places to stay and household goods for the displaced.
All this happened via Facebook. We were able to act immediately. No planning. And very little one on one interaction.
What I do think has happened is that while the internet makes it easy to connect from within our home we have lost the art off being spontaneously social. When I was growing up people were always over. No one had to have two weeks to arrange it. People showed up, conversed, were fed.
Now, you need to arrange a mutually convenient time clean the house, make a 4 star meal, etc. And, when we do get together we actually do look at our cell phones. I was at a party where people were doing that, me included. But, if the hostess needed something at the party we would all have done it immediately. As long as we take action or do it online we seem very caring.
I think we all just have to realize it’s a small planet and we all live on it together.
Kumbayah
I think you’ve got it right, Steph, at least on a small scale. Long gone are the days when the neighborhood meant the whole neighborhood and you always had a houseful. Altho we did when our kids were little.
I SO agree with your husband. However, I would add one thing to his list. Shamelessness best illustrated by Miley Cyrus.
Then comes along Ray and gets serious. And I hope he is right. Sometimes — lately — I have to wonder.
Have loved Jane Eyer since high school when saw Greer Carson and Lawrence Olivier in the movie. Then I read the book. Still one of my faves!
Will read Winter Woman in the next Arctic Vortex visit to Ohio next week. Am getting lots of reading done this winter.
The totally interesting thing about Miley Cyrus, Roberta? She’s extremely talented. Naked video aside, the song Wrecking Ball is great. It’s unfortunate talent isn’t enough. Sort of the old - any publicity is good publicity.
Sorry about your Arctic Vortex! Wow, you all are getting slammed! I love Winter Woman.
Miley doesn’t bother me at all though she’s not my cup of tea. I wish she would (my opinion) choose to keep her tongue in her mouth and maybe an 18 year old limit on her shows. They used to say the same things about Madonna.
Yeah, Ray, I could do without the tongue. She reminds me of Madonna - but to be honest I think Miley has more talent. Better singing chops.
I liked Madonna in the early days. Great talent and great music/songs.
However I include her in the never ending shamelessness that permeates America today. From Anthony Weiner, The President of the USA lying to us and brazenly violating our Constitution , Dnenis Rodman, Lance Armstrong, Alex Rodriguez, to so many others, including Miley the only thing missing is Nero fiddling.
Interesting, Roberta. I was never a Madonna fan. She knows how to make money and draw attention to herself, I’ll give her that. As far as lying? I’m not big on lying.
Besides being wise, your husband has great taste in music.
He does, doesn’t he, Sandra!
I am now actively holding my tongue. >^<
Why, Ray? Speak! Besides I’ll need your comments when I’m stuck in bed, miserable. I think it’s better not to know how much knee surgery hurts - better to go in cold, no previous experience.
Nah! I’ve learned when thing get political it’s better to keep things to myself. No one ever changes their minds in that kinda argument. Believe you me that would not be a “funny” conversation. I really hope this surgery isn’t as traumatic as your last. I’m sure my next posts will be much more entertaining.
Oh I get it, Ray. Yeah, politics and religion and food. Yup. I suffer from a terrible case of foot in mouth disease. My husband told me I am not to discuss cutting off my leg like I did the last time.
Food? Really? Now I agree with your husband about the cutting your leg thing. That is a bit too negative for me. Just get better soon. Jake needs the exercise.
Thanks, Ray. Hubs is running himself ragged trying to get Jake enough exercise!
I should probably be more precise about Madonna. I never went to see her in concert. However, in the 80′s she had some great songs, like Borderline, Like a Virgin, and Material Girl.
No sweat, Roberta. Borderline was one of her best. I actually loved her in Evita, thought she was perfect, and the critics panned her performance. She played Evita understated, her voice was beautiful. May have been her best work.
Beautiful, honest post, Julia.
On your suggestion, I will read WINTER WOMAN.
I’ll be honest…I’d turned away from the genre. There were too many other good genres and writers I wanted to read, but mostly I turned away from romance out of disgust for the writers.
I attended a workshop/conference on all types and trends of writing in Denver last fall that confirmed my distaste. One panel of new and established, all published romance writers presented an hour-long diatribe against the traditional writers who needed to understand that love and lust are synonymous, and to meet today’s tastes they needed to realize that the best couplings really are only temporary, and deep inside most contemporary women really do want and expect their men to be rough, gruff, distant ‘real’ men and even leave a few bruises to be thought about and displayed later; then, if the female protagonist could tame or treat the male the same, they could earn his respect and an ‘open’ relationship was possible.
The only male writer on the panel said he was obviously obsolete and got up and said good-bye; the woman on the panel blew him kisses and winked and made sly comments. For the first part of the panel’s time, I really thought it was a skit for Saturday Night Live and would then finally get down to real writing.
Along with more than half of the audience, I did not stay for the post-panel questions and answers.
Oh wow, Marylin. Apparently this is why I don’t attend conferences. I would have walked out too. You’ll love Winter Woman.
I agree about the heroes. My favorite hero/heroine duo is in a book set in the 1930s-Morning Glory by LaVryle Spencer. No alpha stuff going on. No BDSM going on. Hmmm. Not sure there was even sex going on. But love? Oh, yeah. Deep abiding love.
Did your hubby have surgery and I missed it? I wouldn’t be surprised as I seem to be spaced out a bit recently. What’s going on with your hand? Is the knee now worse than the finger? Did I really lose a week or so here?
Like his choices in music. And yep, I think he’s called it square. Makes you want to crawl in a hole and wait until the revolution is over.
I’d like to crawl into a hole right now, Anny.
Hubs had to postpone his surgery due to my knee injury. I’m scheduled in his spot tomorrow.
I’m doing better with my finger. Thanks.