Regrets? Who has regrets?

So I read an article just the other day, a valid and timely article I’m sure: From The Mind Unleashed:

Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their death bed.

I’ve worked as a hospice nurse for 12+ years. I’m going to say something. You might get mad at me, you might think I’m full of it, but I’m going to say it anyway.

Not a single patient in my practice has ever uttered a single regret on his or her deathbed.

I’m not referring to the experiences of any other nurse, doctor, volunteer, chaplain, palliative care worker. Their experiences may be entirely different. I’m speaking of my own experiences at the bedside of, oh gosh, I don’t know how many dying patients. There were days when I attended as many as five deaths. (Always on the weekends. Seems like people always die on the weekends. I specialize in weekends.)

Early on in our relationship some of my young or young-ish patients, cancer patients in particular, have said things like- I want to spend more time with my wife or with my husband or with my family, children, grandchildren. And, in my experience, they do. They make changes so they can do exactly that, spend more time with their loved ones.

What I find most notable, and to be honest, expected, is that it’s the family members who express regret. It’s really not the dying patient.

Um, dying is hard work. The process eats up a massive amount of physical, emotional and spiritual energy. Dying patients are occupied. They have loads of stuff going on. Therefore most of my focus becomes symptom management and physical and emotional support so my patients can spend quality time with their loved ones. That’s the best gift I can give them. Well, that, and a comfortable death.

What do patients tell me, if they can speak, I mean? Because not all patients, especially those suffering from Alzheimer’s Dementia and other types of dementia, stroke, etc., can communicate.

Patients say a lot of things but it all pretty much boils down to one thing-

I don’t want to leave my family.

But in my experience, patients say this early on. Later, during the dying process, they don’t say anything of the sort. Almost every patient, with the incredibly rare exception, reaches an accommodation of sorts with death.

No regrets.

Just sayin’…

Read California Governor Jerry Brown’s take on death right here: Jerry Brown Reflects on Mortality: It’s Inevitable I like this a whole lot.

If you want to read more you can pick up a copy of One Foot In Heaven, Journey of A Hospice Nurse for a mere 99 cents right here:

One Foot In Heaven